Peekaboo Glimpses

Update on This Pregnancy

2012-02-02T06:54:00.001-06:00

Besides this question, I mostly get asked, "How are you feeling?" So before I blink and this pregnancy is over, I thought I'd capture the answer here. For me to remember, and you, if you're interested.

I've had a beautiful pregnancy.

I've eaten well almost the entire pregnancy, some out of conviction, but most thankfully out of what just sounded good.

Up until the last 3 weeks, when Fritos, chocolate and any thing covered in sugar sounds completely wonderful. It's been a bit harder and lots of self-control to stay eating well for this baby. It really is amazing how much it effects how I feel each day based on what I've eaten.

The boys have been amazing throughout the pregnancy. It's my first pregnancy with no one in diapers, no one napping, and three very trained boys to play by themselves if needed....while I nap or just sit down.

Also, having specifically a 7yr old and a 5yr old.....I can continually throw out, "Do you think your strong enough to carry that for Mommy?" I have instant helpers, who really do....help!

Our fourth son will be here in less than 2 weeks. I would say we're less ready than we've ever been. The car seat is completely cleaned and sanitized, but still sitting in a back room....not yet in the van. I'm sure there's plenty we forgot to buy or just completely forgot we even need. I had to google what to put in a hospital bag, cause I really couldn't recall what was important. We have diapers, drawers full of freshly washed onesies and sleepers. I hope our baby washcloths aren't completely in shreds.

But we do have peace. And hope. And excitement. We have patient arms ready to hold screaming baby. And we know there's going to be really bad days. And with that we also know tomorrow will be a new one, and eventually screaming baby will stop and we will sleep again. We are so excited to welcome this baby into our family. This miracle. Our baby.

So in feeling completely not ready, perhaps we're more ready than we've ever been. 'Cause I sit in peace in his current empty room and rock in the chair, and I know that reading all the books and buying all the gear will never prepare you, prepare me, to hold a fresh baby and hear his cry for need.

We are ready. And waiting. Come soon fourth son. We can't wait to meet you.

I Don't Want That Chapter Title

2012-01-31T06:54:00.007-06:00

It’s as if our life is written in chapters. And for many years, we look forward to those chapters or even hope they’ll come to be written. We are the 16 year old who can’t wait for more chapters. College. Boyfriend. Friends. Moving. Adventures. Planning a Wedding. Marriage. First Baby. Glorious chapters that for most are written and we wait for them.

But then, it happens. The chapter we never wanted written. It comes in the darkness, unexpectedly and there in our book of life is a chapter, several chapters we never asked for, hoped for, or thought surely wouldn’t be in our book. Divorce. Addiction. Parental failure. Infertility. Premature death of child. Early loss of parent. Financial loss. Adultery. Becoming our Mom. Confusion. Discontentment. Being that Mom with Raging Toddler in Target. Anger. Yelling lots. Panic attacks. Depression. Distance from spouse.

Chapter after chapter. We didn’t want. Or we don’t have, but begin to fear with a gripping stomach fear that becomes the basis of all our present choices…as to avoid the future chapter title we hope will never be published. Because it would just break us.

And the truth is we don’t trust Jesus would be enough when that dreaded chapter gets written. He won’t be able to heal me. Help me. Comfort me. The broken pieces scattered around will just hurt too much. I won’t even pick them up. And I’m really not sure He will either.

Cause somehow it was probably my fault.

Pressure. So now I have a chapter I never wanted, and pieces I have to pick up all by myself. Alone. Scared. Ashamed.

So we fear. We used to be without fear, but now we have it. We fear a life that is impossible. And so we put out our arms and try to juggle. We find the best schools. We read all the great books. We attend conferences and programs. And we do it all with a heart of fear. Fear if I don’t, then that unexpected chapter title will find me. And the fear has poisoned our joy.

For to the extent that we fear the unexpected, will be the extent we distrust Jesus to be enough. He is enough. Today. He is enough for your today. So let Him be.

And all of a sudden the energy is nowhere to be found in putting forth worrying about what may or may not ever happen. Cause you’ve realized the weight of choosing wisdom in today requires enough. More of you than you ever thought. Cause it's all just a little harder than you thought it would be. And that's what's so gripping to your core.

He is your Savior. Let yourself feel the wretchedness you need saved from. Let the juggling act crash. And it might just not be as bad as you think. Such hope in trusting. Freedom in letting yourself be helped and loved. By Him. Cause it’s not your fault. You don't have to live in fear of that Chapter Title. And He does love you.

Almost 38 weeks

2012-01-26T09:06:00.000-06:00

Shootin' Some Hoops

2012-01-24T17:36:00.000-06:00

Lucas is back to basketball this winter. And just like last year, we cut his hair off for the season. Always makes him look so much older, but even more so this year. I think we will be spending many future winters in a gym.

And his coach! We love love his coach this year. He's encouraging, smart with the game, and I can tell loves teaching basketball. Not to mention his patient heart with the kiddos. And he's also super handsome and holds my hand walking into the gym. Here he is...

I love watching Lucas play basketball. I look forward to next winter 'cause Brody wants to play, also. I love my husband and the life and leadership he brings to our boys' lives.

This is the Gospel. And it isn't Always Pretty.

2012-01-18T07:01:00.000-06:00

So many of our choices throughout the day, throughout our lives are not worthy of thinking through right or wrong. For if we deem something right….then what? Then we want proof. Prove to me it was the right choice. I’m doing the right thing. Give me results that benefit. Or a feeling of accomplishment with the choice. Good. I am a good person and I made a good choice. Righteousness, that which we seek is righteousness. A life where my perceived control is reality.

A life I understand.

We keep seeking, trying.

Seeking a continual knowledge of right or wrong with our choices forces us either into a self-proclaimed understanding masked over fear, or it takes us eventually into a gripping awareness that left to ourselves, we know nothing.

We feel the truth that the world is not as it should be. It’s kinda falling apart. The sadness suffocates. Death is always near. Brokenness is staring at us all. And just maybe a few right choices on our part can put it all back together.

But it doesn't work.

This is the gospel. And it isn't always pretty. This isn’t the gospel you heard at age 7 during vacation bible school. This isn’t the prayer someone told you to pray and all will be saved. This is the gospel everyday present as you place your two feet on the carpet. For within every hand raised in worship, tear stained face of gratefulness. There must be a bloodied knee that can’t stand overcome by the darkness. Overcome by all they can’t make right, but so desperately want to try. You want to make right, do right. I want to do right.

But can’t.

The gospel is realizing all that isn’t right, and as you look at the picture of darkness, there’s a person in that picture you shockingly recognize. It is you. And that’s a good thing. Cause it’s not you versus the world, darkness. Sin. Cause you lose.

The credit is never yours.

And the freedom is realizing we don’t have to fix what feels so broke. It’s Jesus versus the world. The darkness. Your darkness, your brokenness.

And He wins. The gospel. Let Him fight. And then, and only then, does the gospel get to be

beautiful,

glorious

good news.

Christmas 2011

2012-01-16T12:20:00.000-06:00

We got fancied up and went to see the Nutcracker.

We explored bookstores with hot chocolate.

We had visitors. Yay!

We lit candles on Christmas Eve and worshipped.

We ate clementines, cinnamon rolls and breakfast burritos while opening gifts.

We went ice skating.

We ate, and ate, and ate lots of chocolate and other desserts.

We drove around in jammies and looked at Christmas lights.

We prepared our fourth son's room.

We lit candles every night and loved to just stare at the tree.

We bought each of the boys one golden gift they were thrilled to open!

We gave and mailed many gifts to neighbors, friends, and family.

We rejoiced.

Our Boys and Their Bikes

2012-01-13T12:17:00.000-06:00

We're not really sure when it happens, or why it happens. But all of our boys ride bikes. They love to ride bikes. And we've really never taught them much about bikes or bike riding. I actually have little idea of how to actually teach a child to ride a bike with no training wheels.

For all of our boys, they just ride. And each one is beating the previous one on the age at which they remove those training wheels. It usually goes like this:

Boy: Can I take my training wheels off?

Me: Let's wait till Daddy can help get them off and we'll see.

(later, on weekend)

Boy: Daddy, can I take my training wheels off?

Daddy: Sure.

(training wheels off)

Boy: Look at me.

(Boy picks up bike and rides)

Daddy: Babe, you gotta come out here.

Me: (start laughing) How do they do that!?

We. Do. Not. Know.

Baby Boy E comes in at 3yrs 4mos......off and riding. Standing. Braking. Skidding. Grunting with great fierce. He thinks it's a motorcycle.

Our boys and their bikes. I just love them. Those boys I spend time with everyday.

My Worship Today

2012-01-05T12:26:00.002-06:00

Now Why This Fear from Sovereign Grace Ministries on Vimeo.

Thankful for 2011

2012-01-04T17:30:00.001-06:00

If I could describe 2011 in one word, it would be lordship. Further defined here as:

lord·ship (lôrdshp)

1. often Lordship Used with Your, His, or Their as a title and form of address for a man or men holding the rank of lord.

2. The position or authority of a lord.

3. The territory belonging to a feudal lord.

But that makes no sense to me. Lordship for 2011 and me....means accepting my desires aren't always best and sometimes lead to really crummy places. It means I am not in control, even when I think I am. I'm not. It means submitting to my Creator is actually beautiful and freeing. Not suffocating. Suffocating was life without lordship, life treading water but sinking as I'm juggling, smiling, and pretending to be in control. Lordship means I don't want to have it all together. I don't want to be impressive. I don't want to be noticed. I don't want to make a difference. I don't want to manipulate great things, when really it's a simple day. I don't want anything purposed to move forward in my life, unless He has set it forth for His glory, my good. Lordship means the radical pursuit of Jesus is the means of doing something great, not pursuing something great. Lordship is surrender, and realizing a normal simple life is actually beautifully complicated and glorious when marked by Lordship.

This year, we sold a house. It wasn't suppose to go for sale. But it did. A beautiful custom built ranch, complete with a mud room as big as my current kitchen. Complete with hand scraped wood floors. A gourmet kitchen as big as my current family room. And a yard that was considered land. We chose lordship and did the illogical thing. We moved out while it was still for sale, and gladly took the keys of an old home with a small kitchen, a slanted mantle, electrical outlets that don't always work, no attached garage, and the laundry room behind the shower curtain in the small kitchen. Cause for 2011 and us, we realized taking care of our family is more important than a house with granite countertops.

In 2011, we found out our family would be growing with another son. We have fallen in love with Fort Worth from the new view of our home. We've been homeschooling and it is simple. We continue to meet new friends every year, and 2011 was no different.

2011 was freedom. Lordship. A removal of pressure that I realized was only placed there by me. As I look toward 2012, it will no doubt be fun. Tiring. Joyful. Exciting. Sad. Simply beautiful. I'm not setting out to do great things, because 2011 taught me Lordship. To wait for His plan. His timing. He has abundance planned for me, I need to follow Him. And surely greatness will be waiting.

Merry Christmas! (in Numbers)

2011-12-24T21:23:00.000-06:00

7 weeks till baby boy four.

3 special kids' hot chocolates at bookstore today, while browsing books together.

1 delightful surprise Christmas date yesterday, seeing the Nutcracker and having a very adult cuisine lunch.

1 I love him so much husband who took me on date.

2 parents visiting and joyfully celebrating with us.

Countless family and friends we miss.

1 dog we still own, and sometimes I can't believe it. But we love him. And I am thankful he is so easy.

6 windows in baby's room finally have rods and curtains ready for him to sleep in darkened delight.

1 baby boy's nursery slowly being decorated with bright bold colors.

1 baby boy whose name means bold and brave.

12 cinnamon rolls rising and ready to bake in the morning.

7 breakfast burritos wrapped and ready to eat in the morning.

3 sleepy excited boys tucked snug in their room.

2 parents. peaceful in the glow of the lights.

1 Savior. Waiting. Coming.

All is calm.

Merry Christmas.

First Semester

2011-12-02T08:35:00.000-06:00

In just a few short weeks, we will put to close our first semester of the school year.

It has been a wonderful time. The boys have been learning, laughing, and loving our pace of life.

I have loved teaching them, watching them grow and discover and at times, battle hard days of new concepts. It's beautiful to not have many times of rushing around to get out the door, but to sit and learn together. Time to ask questions and time to say yes when they ask to do something not quite on the schedule.

Baby Boy has learned an immense knowledge about animals, all his numbers, letters and spelling of his name. Little Boy has beautiful cursive, reading sentences, and loving math. We all enjoy engaging in Bible work, growing in character, and learning loads of early history. Big Boy has delightfully listened to 5 literature books, and he himself is reading small books weekly.

In my short journey as a homeschooler, it's the first semester I've ever gone without freaking out, wondering what I'm doing, and diving onto the computer to look up private school tuition.

Of course there have been hard days. But I've trusted more, worried less, and quit watching every other family.

But have loved enjoying mine! And these bright handsome students I've been given.

Meet Lyla

2011-11-25T12:58:00.000-06:00

I have a daughter. Ok, it's a plant. But she has a name, she's my daughter plant and her name is Lyla. I've had her for one year. She's lovely. My husband bought her for me during a season of heavy doubt and hopelessness in my heart. I was battling day by day, sometimes hour by hour for joy and faith. I want quick results. In my heart. And I wasn't getting them.

And then I met Lyla. I figured I'm going to take care of her one day at a time, just like I'm going to battle for hope one day at a time. And wait.

For He who promised is faithful. I can't say it enough.

But then Lyla died.

During our August move, in the heat of Texas, she got left outside a bit too long. And she was gone. Fast. Wilted and brown. Nothing left. But I took her and set her by the window, watered her one time, then kinda forgot about her.

Then in mid-October, I look up from eating. Glance at Lyla and out of the top of her brown dry stem is a fresh green leaf. She was living! And yes, I stood, walked over to my daughter plant and got completely introspective about the whole thing.

I know, it's pathetic. It's really tiring living inside my mind.

This is huge. When I am abiding, God is always working. Let me not look for fruit to prove He's with me. Let me not give up when it seems all the mirror shows me is a brown wilted stem. For then, I've removed faith from our relationship. He is working. It's about Him. Working.

Faith that chooses to believe He is here. He is love. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is in control. And He is working. I must abide, my root must sink deep and stay firm in His Truth.

Then trust. He is working.

For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, how blessed is the man who trusts in you.

Psalm 84:11-12

28 weeks and Thankful!

2011-11-20T08:24:00.000-06:00

I DO, I DON'T

2011-11-17T14:41:00.000-06:00

I was reading this on my reader, which was linked to a few other homeschoolers writing similar posts. What is the post? The post is a simple list of our family and what we DO and what we DON'T do. I loved reading her list, and thought.......uh, I'll make myself a list. Don't mind if I do. I can so quickly focus on all the things I DON'T do as a wife, momma, homemaker, teacher, etc. But, truth is, there's lots I DO. And what I DO may not be what you DO, and some of my DON'T s may just be the thing you love to DO. Isn't it all just beautiful? A beautiful mess indeed.

I DO:

I do meal plan every week .
I do read to my kids lots and lots.
I do use formal reading and phonics.
I do have lessons plans and enjoy them fondly!
I do cook for my family every night, keeping it as simple and nutritious as possible.
I do do do love surprising everyone with a dessert after dinner, which almost never starts with a box.
I do make my own pizza crust and breads.
I do require the boys to help with chores.
I do give out Lucky Charms, Golden Grahams or Froot Loops for breakfast.
I do watch my boys play in the cold, jump in rain puddles, and videotape the whole thing.
I do love homeschooling.
I do keep up with many, many friends.
I do enjoy fabric, and have one sewing project going, that only involves straight lines!
I do stay up with my husband every Saturday night if the college football game is just that good.
And I do make football food every Saturday feeding it to all the males, in front of the TV.

I DON'T

I don't clean my house, but one strong time a month.....as a whole family.
I don't sort laundry.
I don't iron, except as needed. Rarely.
I don't continue using a curriculum or reading a book, if it's not working for us.
I don't venture away from the house often, twice a week max.
I don't sign the boys up for many activities, unless they ask and are interested.
I don't school any subject in the summer, that is not of natural interest.
I don't make my own cards, remember birthdays, or craft much at all.
I don't knit.
I don't buy all organic or FairTrade.
I don't shower everyday. There, now you know.

So let us be encouraged. We all have a grand 'I DO' list. And may our minds not be corrupted with our 'I DON'T' list....especially when we compare to other women or families. Let us stay diligent in ways that bless our family we've been given.

Finally, A Leaf Pile!

2011-11-15T21:19:00.002-06:00

Do We Wish We Were Having A Girl?

2011-11-12T07:49:00.000-06:00

We get stares most places we go. Something about having all the same gender of children, for some reason, appears to be a circus show to many. I even get such intellectual questions as,

"All boys?"

"No girls?"

Yes, you've observed correctly oh wise stranger.

But, then of course, once another pregnancy comes along........comes new questions and remarks. Let's be honest. Even if not spoken at all times, they are thought of continuously.

"Are you trying for a girl?"

"Are you hoping it's a girl"

"Is it a girl?"

And the best one.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Will you try for a fifth?"

Friends. Complete strangers. I'm going to hit these head on and answer what everyone wants to know....

"Do we wish for a girl?"

Yes.

Yes, of course, we would love a daughter because we don't have one. I would love to sink myself deeply into all things girl. I particularly see older young adult women out with their Moms and feel a tinge of loss. That indeed, I don't have the path to eventually lead me there to that moment I'm observing.

I've been given different paths. So, in my yes of wanting a girl. The bigger question goes much deeper. One of disappointment, bitterness, and plain anger. That is where I do not sit. Of course we wish for a girl, because we don't have one. But we have chosen the pregnancy of each our our children never once out of hope for a specific gender. There is no satisfaction in that. Expectations are merely setting us all up for disappointment. For even if it was a girl, there's no doubt she'd blossom into a much different girl than I ever anticipated.

Do I wish this specific baby growing, kicking inside was a girl?

No. He's a boy. And it is beautiful. Honorable. Humbling. Overwhelming. Joyous. Gratitude. To be given four sons. We have no choice but to be thankful. Four sons. All so different. All so wonderful. To be chosen to raise and shepherd four sons. As I lay on the ultrasound table upon finding out the gender of this baby, I cried. It was the first time I cried and didn't laugh at the gender announcement. It was a warm tear of gratefulness. The future thought of bringing home another son, and this time laying him down beneath the excited eyes of 3 brothers.

The bigger plan is not just having a fourth son, but adding him to the brotherhood we already seeing forming in our present three sons. He will be well taken care of, well loved and watched with eager eyes of just what wondrous giftings and strengths he will be given.

There's a fine mix between the private grieving of no daughter, paired with the worshipful hands that say thank you for our four sons. Having children is not like ordering at a restaurant. It's much more beautiful. I can't wait to hold my fourth son.

And so we continue. Our circus show. I can only imagine the soon-to-be stares and wise remarks that will keep coming. Many of which I think are incredibly private questions to ask anyone, let alone a stranger. But I will continue answering.

Yes, all boys. All ours. All four.

And we are nothing, nothing but grateful.

Our Artist

2011-11-08T17:11:00.000-06:00

He is my crafter. My vibrant one. He's learning piano, and apparently somewhat gifted at it. He's never far from scissors, markers, paper, tape or paint. He creates. And he focuses.

He needs no directions. And is really not interested in them anyways.

I love his spark of creativity and his ambition to color outside the lines.

He challenges his big brother to get out of the box, and leads little brother into his fantasy worlds.

He is our artist.

A Short Night Read

2011-11-02T20:57:00.000-05:00

"Trust is lovely. Peace is beautiful. Cast your cares on Him for He cares for you, and He cares for your kids. Don’t worry over them. Pray over them. This will cause them to draw near. Worry sets them up to pull away."'

A little harsh, but straight to the truth of worry, motherhood and how together they just don't turn out pretty. A good, quick read here.

Picture: my sweet Mama and a true woman of growing out of worry. Thanks Mom! I hope I can worry as little as you do someday.

I heart Superman, Thomas, and Transformers

2011-10-31T20:01:00.000-05:00

Trick or Treating, it really is darn cute at this age. They lasted for about 7 houses, thankfully that's all the bigger our neighborhood is......the night ended with running around in the dark, eating candy, and sipping hot chocolate.

Childhood. It only happens once.

We Carved Pumpkins

2011-10-29T07:42:00.000-05:00

So thankful we carved before our cold front came, we were able to sit outside, scoop and carve away. Big boy did his completely on his own, even the scooping of the yuck. Little Boy and Baby Boy had a say in their design, but there was heavy parent involvement in the outcome. And sadly, as I type, the 3 carved lovelies have already molded and growing black inside.

This picture has much to say, doesn't it?

Happy Fall and have a wonderful weekend!

Enjoy the changing seasons and may you enjoy many treats!

Here we GROW at the Pumpkin Farm

2011-10-28T08:37:00.002-05:00

Desserts!!!

2011-10-24T12:14:00.000-05:00

I have a new favorite blog that is fully dedicated to desserts. Seriously, what's better than that? Especially for those with a sweet tooth, boys addicted to dessert, and a pregnant Momma! Not that I know any such family. We made her Whoopie Pies this weekend. Her post today looks extra festive and yummy, too!

Disclaimer: Looking for great recipes full of traditional ingredients for your family, with no boxed or canned items....then don't click below for any reason. I visit Heavenly Homemakers for recipes of that sort. Not the link below.

But ready for rich, creamy, chocolate, caramel, gooey, always yummy....proceed forward.

Cookies and Cups: Desserts only

the rock of Hope

2011-10-14T09:48:00.000-05:00

Not in my boys.

Not in my husband.

Not in the city I currently reside.

Not in friends.

Old friends.

New friends.

Not in recognition.

Not in a smooth day.

Not in a good dinner.

Not in a grocery trip with zero drama.

Not in boys with no hurts.

Not in works of greatness.

Not in agendas.

Or fights for goodness.

Not in life with no pain.

Hurt.

Sadness.

Disappointment.

Confusion.

Not in the weekend.

Not in a husband's return.

Not in a school or a great teacher.

Not in my clothes.

My home decor.

Or anything seen.

This is all just blown to dust.

Jesus.

Cause without that, the rest is balancing on a peak.......crashing at any moment.

I don't want to be the peak or fear the crash.

Hope.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

Psalm 62:5

Doing Fall

2011-10-09T17:24:00.000-05:00

I really don't like Fall. Because I LOVE summer. So, every year that Fall rolls in and that first cold breeze blows, I'm sad. Summer is over. The swimsuits get put away, the pools close, vacation pictures are only a memory, and late night summer air is done. Not to mention Fourth of July and how it's the most simply celebrated holiday ever.

But this all changed a few years ago.

Because we moved to Texas.

And summer in Texas is not summer up north. Which means ~~Fall in Texas is not Fall up north~~ it does not get freezing cold and chance of snow within weeks to come.

Now, I love Fall!!! Sure is a lovely thing to move so often and fall in love with different seasons and cultures. That first cold front comes, cooler air, breezes that aren't hot air dyers in the bathroom, playing outside again...........all the lovely gems of Fall in the South.

To load up in the van and not break a sweat. Beautiful.

Now we will never have the colors of the North or the large vibrant leaves to rake, but I promise when we live up North again......I won't take Fall for granted and pout in my loss of summer.

So I decorate for Fall now. I light candles. We eat chili. Watch football. Visit a huge pumpkin farm. Play outside more. And I feel only a twinge of sadness that summer is over.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy E! You are 3!

2011-10-03T17:12:00.000-05:00

This baby boy steals our hearts every day. His smile is warm and bright, his eyes tell of his happiness.

He is now 3! And thrilled about it! He is now asking when he'll be 7, and is sometimes otherwise convinced he is already 5. He rides a razor like a champ, tricks and all.....doing circles really around boys double his age. Except his brothers, of course. After all, they were his teachers.

He has a ~~little trouble with the word 'no',~~ currently throwing many tantrums. He grunts. He hits. He kicks and screams. Then finally gives up and lays his head on my shoulder exhausted from the fight.

He melts me.

He loves to put things in his pocket. Yes, even a cupcake during our summer visit to Ohio. Smashed it right in there, then was confused and sad of to its whereabouts when he tried to retrieve it for a snack.

He will do anything if brothers are doing it.

He loves loves to share. It truly warms his spirit to share something good with others. Sometimes insisting we take a bite, even when we try to politely deny.

He is loved by his brothers with great intensity. They both still even speak to him in a gentle 'we know you're just a little guy' voice.

Soon, this baby boy 3 year old will have a baby brother. And I have no doubt he'll be great at leading him......for he has had great teachers in the area of big brotherhood.

Happy Birthday to my favorite favorite 3-year old!!!

It's going to be a fun year.

How a 7 year old cuts onions for his Momma; otherwise titled Yes, Those Are Swim Goggles

2011-09-22T06:57:00.000-05:00

The boy loves to help in the kitchen, I thought it would wear off after the toddler years passed. But he still comes in on his own and ask what he can do for dinner. This was a first. The goggles, not the cutting.

Cooper.

2011-09-16T14:32:00.002-05:00

He's camera shy, but thought he deserved a little blog time.

Happy weekend, friends!

As A Military Wife

2011-09-15T07:35:00.000-05:00

I've been working through the bible study for military wives called "Tour of Duty" by Sara Horn. It has been so good to not only get in the Word from the perspective of life as one married to a man in uniform, but also to not feel completely alone in feelings, fears, and struggles. No mind can no know the roller coaster of emotions when my husband travels, except those who feel it, too.

Some of my favorite excerpts today that have encouraged me:

I faced the emotion of grief so often during my husband's absence. I began writing Bible verses on notecards and posting them all over the house as reminders that God was for me! He was never going to leave me or forsake me, and while at times I felt utterly alone, I knew that my ultimate hope was not in my husband's return but in Christ.

God revealed to me that it was my sense of control that was crippling me. Sincere prayer and immersion in His Word reshaped my life. Once I finally gave it all over to Him, I was free of the giant elephant in the room. There is a great peace in resting in His love for us and knowing that His plans for us are good.

My husband's deployment was physically and spiritually demanding. I felt so alone in so many aspects of my life. God never let me down. Even though I felt abandoned, He was always there watching over me.

'But as for me I trust in you, O Lord, I say 'You are my God.' My times are in your hand.

Psalm 31:14-15a

Glory, Glory to God I make it one hour when my husband is far. So glad He loves me; His help and mercy does not run out.

Simply Little Boy

2011-09-14T10:15:00.000-05:00

currently wears a superman cape around the house, all day.

tries to fly in the backyard off the swings.

tells me if his covers are over his face in bed, it means he's closed for business.

no covers, open.

last boy out of bed. almost always.

looks like his handsome Dad.

struggling just a bit at leaving Mom's side when getting dropped off for school classes.

runs to my arms at pick-up, beaming with a smile of 'I did it!'.

loves to be a teacher to others.

first thing he tells me about any activity is the people, and their names.

he loves orange, red and golden colors.

loving to learn the piano.

visions himself as a rockstar.

love this boy.

Worth every minute to read.

2011-09-12T19:49:00.000-05:00

Completely challenged.

A homeschool Dad takes a look back, in great humility, and gives intense wisdom on what he's learned.

Which I also think is a beautiful representation of my responsibility to listen to my mentors, my elders.

They have much to share, especially in the world of homeschooling. 20 years ago, they didn't have many families in front of them to pass down wisdom.

Now, I'm thankful we do.

Read it.

And They Swing and Swing

2011-09-12T12:09:00.000-05:00

and then they want a snack....

Hope on 9.11.11

2011-09-11T08:09:00.001-05:00

On September 9, 2001.....I was in a plane. It took off out of Baltimore/Washington DC. I was at the United States Naval Academy getting engaged to a future military pilot. On the night of September 9th, I got off my plane in Columbus Ohio and walked directly into the arms of my parents, brother and friends. Then we left.

Directly out of the airport.

36 hours later my fiance called me and said I need to go turn on the TV.

Something is happening.

Today and this week, as Big Boy is asking more and more questions about 9.11.....I turn here, and tell him this :

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!"

Revelation 21:3-5a

I walk by faith. Not by sight or the pain I feel.

He will do as He says.

all things new.

this is hope.

School at our Place

2011-09-08T07:23:00.000-05:00

We are in our third week of school and it is moving along quite beautifully. yay! (insert big sigh of relief)

This is where all the intense learning takes place. In our historic naval home, there's a back porch that was closed in and finished off. It even has the original windows on the wall, with brick that used to be the outside of the home....through those windows is the family room. This room is full of bright light, a little privacy from the rest of the house and plenty of space to sit, play, or even stand to jump and get those wiggles out. Or like today, we simply stepped out back and took recess outside. Yay again for great weather and the beautiful white flag that HEAT has finally raised.

So. We learn here.

And here.

We sit here and have our meeting in the morning, which officially starts our day. It's a great time of traditional calendar talk, as well as praying together, reading books, and reciting our weekly memory work.

If interested, our curriculum consists this year of a beautiful marriage between two opposites. One side we have Abeka where we turn for Reading, Phonics, Writing and Spelling. For Math, we use mainly Horizon (K) and Saxon (2/3), with a little sprinkling of Singapore.

On the opposite side is Sonlight which gives us loads of reading in Literature Read Alouds, History, Geography and a tiny wee bit of Science.

Both the boys mostly receive their Science from our home education center, as well as Drawing, Art, and Montessori play. We swim often for exercise, ride bikes, and Big Boy has actually started practicing on a BMX track this Fall, hopefully to be racing soon. Little Boy is beginning piano lessons, because he's been begging us since he was 3, and we finally decided he must be serious. What fun!

Finally, here are the handsome bright students! Our first-grader, kindergartener, and the littlest preschooler. Their first day of classes at the center. And the littlest one who wanted a picture, too, of course.

Our Go-To Meal

2011-09-03T13:43:00.000-05:00

Perhaps you have one, too. A meal you can make quick, but it's still somewhat nutritious, and not that expensive. I thought I'd share ours. Everyone can always use a new Go-To meal.

Simple.

Here's what you need:

2 pkgs. frozen tortellini

frozen bag chopped spinach

tub of Parmesan cheese or fresh block to grate; whatever you have on hand

tub of grape tomatoes, or tomato chopped

tub of pre-made pesto OR some good olive oil, garlic, basil, pine nuts.

shredded cooked chicken; I usually cook a whole chicken, shred it and freeze it in bags. So I have it on hand for meals like this.

Here's what you do:

Set the bag of chicken out in the morning or at lunchtime even. Set the spinach out, too.

Cook the tortellini.

Chop the tomato.

In a big pretty bowl, put the spinach on the bottom.

Drain the tortellini when done, immediately dump it on top of the spinach in the bowl.

Add the chicken and pesto of your choice. Stir.

Sprinkle on good handful of cheese, mix, and then toss on top the tomatoes.

Easy. Even pretty. So, some nights we eat a full traditional food meal. Other nights, a frozen pizza. But on these nights, it's a little fresh....a little processed.

But it's our Go-To meal. What's yours!?

Four Men

2011-08-31T08:51:00.000-05:00

After Baby Boy was born. We were tired. 3 boys. Age 4 and under. Many deployments and detachments under our belt, numerous moves, and we just weren't sure how we were going to keep going each morning when those 3 handsome faces stared at us.

But we made it. Of course. Like everyone said we would. Sometimes when I think we won't make it, or really I won't make it. It's that I won't make it to the finish as beautiful as I hoped it all to be. And that's true. I won't. It's a miraculous mess, that we keep making it through.

And so almost 3 years later, more messy than ever. We decided our family was worth growing, but more than that......our God is greater. He is plenty big enough to handle us, our family, and the days that feel impossible. Because the more impossible days that build up, as I smoosh them all together, they look wondrously beautiful.

So, our fourth baby is coming. Growing. Due in February. This baby is a boy.

Four sons.

This baby will be loved. Held. Prayed over. Cried with. And gently moved forward into childhood. Running. Jumping. Tantrums. Wrestling.

And one day, years from now, I pray I sit back and watch four young adult men talking together. Men of integrity, who love God first, are brave and kind all together. They will still wrestle maybe, and most certainly laugh.

One day, all the diapers, math problems, disciplining, praying, weeping, and childhood laughing will be worth it.

As I hope in the Lord and raise four little men.

at the river in North Carolina

2011-08-29T12:00:00.000-05:00

This summer, we traveled over 4600 miles. While in North Carolina, we played at a river.

That's what you do when you live in the mountains, you play in rivers.

I still prefer a pool or even better, a beach!

But the river can certainly be fun!

Little Boy, In A Tent, the First Day of Unpacking

2011-08-26T11:58:00.000-05:00

Rocket Box

2011-08-24T15:58:00.000-05:00

We've no doubt had some fun with our boxes. We've cut doors out of them, wrapped them in wrapping paper, colored on them, glued wooden blocks to them, created submarines out of them, ships out of them, planes out of them, hid inside them to scare our dog. Big Boy's latest creation was taken outside, no explanation needed...

the boys when I'm not looking

2011-08-09T22:08:00.000-05:00

"Oh, we homeschool. "

2011-08-09T22:00:00.000-05:00

I reply. When they ask, "Where do your kids go to school?"

Thankfully, then for the most part anymore I receive encouraging glances and deeper questions of how we make it all work doing school at home. It's my observation that homeschooling is quickly becoming an accepted option that many families choose.

For all different reasons.

Homeschooling works for us right now. And it works for our boys. Last school year, our oldest needed schooled outside of the home, and so that's where he went. This school year, all will be homeschooled with the use of a 2-day a week home education center.

I don't think everyone should homeschool. In fact, there's probably some families that plain should not homeschool. Homeschooling is simply that, a child being educated in the home. It's not a guarantee of success, a seal of golden character, or an indirect commitment to eat whole foods, grow a garden, and live in harmony as a family at all times.

Nope, still normal here. Just like you. We ate Lucky Charms this morning, watch way too much TV, and lose our patience with each other often.

Then apologize.

Don't get me wrong, there are some beautiful families out there that homeschool AND plant gardens AND read great literature all day AND do science projects every day AND have an organized green home with a compost out back AND....AND....AND

We're just not one of them.

Freedom in acceptance for me. I would love to be that family. And I know in many areas I'm growing and learning to incorporate more great stuff into our day and our family life. But with all the stereotypes out there on homeschool families, I started to realized I was the one putting those on me.....no one else.

I just want to be me. Julie. We homeschool. But it doesn't define our every waking minute.

I love this quick read, it's actually myths about public school. Just as I ask to not be sterotyped into a box as a homeschooler; I, too, challenge myself to not box families that use public school.

For me, if I'm trusting in an educational choice for the potential future outcome of my child, then I've lost faith. In a God. The Creator that made my child, promises to bring His work to completion. Now our educational choice for our children is important and should not be taken lightly. We do have responsibility. But I'm talking about the core. The heart. As I lay down each night, am I believing in our God that is able to protect my boys, use all of their life for good, and grow them in His ways. Do I trust His plan? And know it will probably include some bumps, curves and valleys. It is not my responsibility to position their life to never have those in it.

And so we keep homeschooling. But it's written in a box, with a dry erase marker. Like we're from Ohio. Or have a dog. Or are becoming fishermen. It's not a rock, that we stand on.

That Rock is much firmer than our homeschool's primary teacher . And I'm so glad!

summer project

2011-08-08T17:47:00.000-05:00

I've been busy all summer working on a project, it's been fun and exhausting! The project won't be fully complete till February and upon arrival will probably look just like these 3. A fourth babe coming soon!

How I know We're in North Carolina, not Texas

2011-07-27T12:50:00.000-05:00

1. It rained all day yesterday. All. Day.
2. I see a mountain out the window.
3. It's a bit chilly in the morning.
4. We can walk outside, actually move around, and not sweat.
5. Let's face it, we don't see as many big obnoxious trucks.
6. I overheard locals complaining about the heat....talking, outside, in the sun, not sweating.
7. We actually go outside and stay outside, not just move to the next air conditioned location.
8. I am not getting sunburnt simply walking into the grocery store.
9. Saw some people having a campfire in the evening.
10. Bottom line: it's not so HOT.

Big Boy's Summer Smile

2011-07-20T13:11:00.000-05:00

Life in Pictures

2011-07-16T13:52:00.000-05:00

I shared here some introspective thought on Big Boy's school year and my heart in the hurricane of it all. But most of all, I am thankful for this woman, his sweet godly teacher. Of course, she taught him to read. But more than that, she valued his giftings and temperament. She set out to push him where she knew God would meet him, even when Big Boy was a little hesitant. She will be remembered for years to come in our hearts as we see milestones along the journey of Big Boys' life. You, Mrs. H, were an instrument of grace and strength.

During our road trip, we stopped along the way to see a dear friend get married. The boys love her, as she has taken her teacher's spring break the past few years....and came to visit us, wherever we lived. It was delightful to share in her day of committment. And heart warming to watch the boys' eyes widened with the magic of a wedding day. I have no snapshot of the beautiful bride, but here are these handsome boys.

Big Boy celebrated his birthday with friends just a week before school was out. We played at a park, ate pizza, chased ducks and had fun!

This is my big beautiful family. I love family. I love my husband's family and consider them my own. I love my family and thankful my husband calls them his own as well. My brother celebrated his 30th birthday. There he is, with Mom and Dad, the rest of us watching. Enjoying. Laughing. Ya know, life is never as we expect it to be. I think we all have one moment that created a 'Y' in our life. A fork in the road. We didn't expect it. Divorce. Death. Illness. Disappointment. Destroyed relationship. Something heart numbing. And the Y calls us to a choice. A choice of detour, accepting any control we thought we had was really all just an illusion. To go forward, accept the unexpected path. Grieve the loss of promised greener pastures that really don't exist. And realize it takes a little, sometimes alot of rain to have green grass. The other road at the Y, that's one of bitterness. And it's ugly. It looks to be the easier path in the moment. But eventually one will wish differently, for the path with the rain. Thankfully, God has a bridge connecting the paths. It's never too late to cross.

Our family had a strong detour. It happened when I can hardly remember life before the detour. But I'm sure as my Mom would take us 3 swimming on a warm summer day. And even though she didn't have a toddler anymore, she still never sat down with other Moms. And then as we were leaving, the heat was too much and would throw my brother into a seizure. At the gate. Where everyone is watching. Us on the floor helping him. Then me walking with our stuff to the car, her carrying him. I'm sure in those moments my Mom would think how this isn't the life she expected.

But years later, it's our big beautiful life with my brother as our big detour.

And we're better for it. But phew, that's another cluster of multiple posts and the result of years of counseling. Let's be honest.

I love detours!

Our base just recently installed an indoor pool!!!! Enough said, really.

Part of our road trip, involved a stop with sister and brother in law along with 4 kiddos in Tennessee. It was loud and wonderful! And look , as our kids get bigger....they can snap pics of the adults!

And here's the kids!!

Looking forward to more life captured in little moments.

Little Boy plays Basketball

2011-07-07T07:49:00.000-05:00

Back in January and February, he played. He shot. He dribbled. He ran. He rebounded. He stopped and waved to his Momma on the bleachers. He was just darn cute about the whole thing.

finally processing this past school year and that big canyon

2011-07-06T11:50:00.001-05:00

There are a few out there that know my hurricane. This past year was not peachy. I will not look back on it with a twinkle in my eye and memories of calm and bliss. It was horrific at times in my heart. It was dark. Scary. Wavering. Much of it will never go down on paper and pecked onto this screen. It'll stay in my heart. It actually sits at the cross. Redeemed. Washed away. Strengthened and renewed. He has made it good.

But I will choose to share some of it. Record it. Testify it.

We sent Big Boy to school this year. School. In a building. Kindergarten. It was a beautiful special year for him.

I did not transition well. I never have. It wasn't sending him to school that was difficult. It was so much more than that. It was the feeling of being a Mom. A real Mom. As if all along I was playing house with my 3 babies at home. Learning. Discovering. Playing. But then out of nowhere my heart was overwhelmed with daily carpool, teacher conferences, parties, homework, planning, and new friends.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Aren't we just playing house?

Aren't I just plain unprepared for all of this? I missed the manual.

And I do love myself a good manual. Cover to cover I'll read it.

But there wasn't one.

And I couldn't keep up. My heart was still processing, yet every morning 6am I had a sweet 6 year old staring at me, dressed, smiling, ready to go to school.

It just wouldn't slow down.

So I was pushed to my limit. It seemed I was standing on a cliff, with canyon in front of me. I wanted to get to the other side. The next step of motherhood, parenting. But I felt dizzy. Suffocated. Overwhelmed. Scared. Lonely. The canyon was too big of a jump.

I've been here before. Transitions not going too smooth. So I usually ignore the canyon all together. Turn around. Create a new path. Give up.

This time was much different. Cause my sweet 6 year old was waiting for me on the other side, waving. And I could see how so quickly all of my boys and husband were going to be on that other side, waiting, waving. And this time, I couldn't turn around. I wouldn't turn around.

All at once, I understood why at some point the canyons just get too big and too many come at once in motherhood. It's easier to stay. Emotionally. Keeping those boys 6 years old, or maybe I'll make it till they're 12 years old. And then stay. Not cross that canyon. And then they're 22 years old, and I'm still way over here, waving. Pretending. They're 12.

This year was a beautiful mess for me. I thought surely I can't go to my Lord with any of this. He is so disappointed in me. I'm worried. He tells me 'do not be anxious'. I'm scared. He tells me 'do not fear'. I'm doubting. He tells me 'have faith'. But it was His grace alone that gave me the strength to sit in my broken self, with Him. It was His love that pulled me in and told me to stop. Stop.

Stop worrying.

Stop doubting.

Stop trying.

Stop with the fear.

And it wasn't with punishment or disappointment. It was gentle. Stop worrying, because I love you. Stop doubting, I will take care of you. Stop trying, because I will work in you. Stop with the fear, because I am with you always.

Every night I put my boys to bed this year and sang Jesus Loves You. I was singing it to myself. I needed to hear it and believe it. It's a wondrous thought where we all would be if we believed with all our soul:

Jesus loves me this I know.
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong
We are weak, but He is strong!
Yes! Jesus love me.

I've only been walking with Jesus for 13 years. And I know, without a doubt, I've just scratched the surface of knowing and believing that the God of the Universe who calls the stars each by name....loves me, knows me, favors me, strengthens me, created me, will never leave me, helps me, and holds me.

He is intimately interested in my life.

So I didn't cross the canyon. It was too big. And there was no bridge. Easy and safe. A bridge. So I just had to jump.

And He caught me.

As for future canyons of transitions. They still scare me. But I know He's waiting. To help. To pick up my broken heart grieving the stage of past and scared of the stage ahead. He'll strengthen me. He'll catch me. He'll walk me across. And for a few transitions, I even have faith they won't be too difficult. He may even offer a bridge once in a while.

Motherhood. Who knew it involved canyons, rock climbing and base jumping!?

Game on.

Closure on that Road Trip

2011-06-14T10:00:00.000-05:00

I don't go near computers when we travel. The break is beautiful.

And so Road Trip 2011 comes to a close. Our address changes often. Currently, it says Texas. But the friends and family we just spent time with, that is what feels like home.

6 states. 5 sleeping locations. 2600 miles.

Now we head back to our current location called home.

And I fight for it to feel like home. But most days it doesn't. Cause there's not as many natural hugs. And people can't look at our boy's faces and remember them as babies. And there are less cookout invites.

So this is for you, old friends and dear sweet family, we say thank you. You see us yearly, yet take us in, feed us and love us as if we never left.

We miss you already.

Road Trip Day One: 10 highlights

2011-06-01T16:46:00.000-05:00

1. 700+miles
2. No diaper changing, first experience with this on a road trip
3. Left our home at 5:15am, arrived on the west side of Dallas by 6:20. If you know, then you know....that was a miracle.
4. Espn radio app
5. Knowing our Cooper is loving his adoptive home
6. Blow pops, M&Ms, tootsie pops, and a paci
7. Packed lunches!
8. Free lodging tonight
9. Expectation of visiting with friends and family for 2 weeks
10. No rain while driving

And the one thing I could have done without is knowing all the special ties I ordered for the boys, to wear this weekend to a wedding...they arrived on our doorstep 7 hours after we left.

And so we rock on. More miles tomorrow! Thankful for my husband who drives and our handsome seasoned travelers.

Seven

2011-05-19T18:27:00.000-05:00

I labored for my Big boy a good many hours. At times, I think the physical labor we pass through for our children is easy compared to the daily emotional labor of fighting for them and hoping one day we birth functional, beautiful adults. I have pure admission that I birthed my first born son as a scared, young, freshly married military wife. Far from home. from friends. from family. But it's everyday since, this marvelous Big Boy is birthing me forward into, by grace alone, a woman. A mother. A daughter who is believing more and more I am well loved.

He is seven. Big boy. Seven years old. Your firstborn birthday is different. It doesn't just mark their age. It marks motherhood. Surely, I thought, by the time Big Boy reaches seven I might have a few things figured out. Under control.

I got nothing.

I'm more convinced than ever of my fragile state, desperate heart, and moment by moment need of grace, guidance and wisdom.

Motherhood scared me to death. And it still does on some days.

I have no words to fully depict the beauty and strength of the young man I envision one day for Big Boy. It's important, that vision. He has a pair of warriors watching his every move.

I asked Big Boy to describe himself. He said, 'silly, fun, fast kid'.

He has a heart that feels and gives, perhaps in some ways the world says is not for the male species. to have heart. strong feelings of love and grace. and hurt sometimes.

but we're not interested in the world. after all, their opinion will surely change in a few years and was drastically different in years past. I fight. I move forward with my Big boy and am madly in love with watching his every move, thought and word to learn more of just what is stored up in the core of his being. He is charming. He is insightful. He is a learner. A thinker. A researcher. He remembers details. He assembles all things with no manual. He loves. He is brave.

He is the son of a military pilot. God chose that. Somedays, I hate it. When i lay with him at night as he trembles with fear and sadness while Daddy travels. I whisper how brave I think he is to be the son of a military pilot. And when I leave his room. I cry. And trust my Father to comfort me that all is being worked for good.

Big boy is on his third home, third address, third church, third group of friends.

So we give him the One God that doesn't change.

Oh, my Big Boy. You are marvelous. I can't wait to see where your life continues......inventions, car models, soccer, knowledge, love for outdoors......your journey is well on its way. Seven is going to be great. I sense even you know you're getting older.

And we will keep loving you. Praying for you. Hugging you. Cheering for you. Crying with you. And we know great things are planned for you! Not just because of what we see in you, but because of the Truth that promises abundance over your life. It's going to be great. Seven.

Five for Little Boy

2011-04-23T15:57:00.000-05:00

Five.

Little Boy has turned five years old and it's a big deal. To be five. It's nothing like three or even four. Five. It just sounds big.

We love our Little Boy. He entered the world screaming, of course, but was soon sleeping, lounging, takin' it easy. Smiling. Sensitive to all others. Remembering people's names and faces. Not objects or details. But the people. That's what he notices. He'll choose people over toys everytime. People over objects. People time over all other time.

He has joy. Light. Just like his air. The single blonde in the family. We cut it short one time, and it quickly grew back out and he firmly requested we not cut it again. So, we haven't. It fits him well. Easy going just like him.

He plays the middle brother role quite well.

He fully embraces his big brother role, yet is intent on watching Big Boy at all times for cues on life.

I love love love you, Little Boy! I love your smile and your laugh. I love the sense of humor you bring to our family. I love your heart and how you love. I love how you want to be brave and strong, but sense a need to stop and love. I love how you fell asleep on the couch on your birthday, just before pizza and cake. The day was too much for you, and life is sometimes better with a relaxed heart and a nap.

And I love your relaxed heart. Time will only tell and the hands that created you....what lies ahead, where your heart will take you, and how your love of people will be used for good. I hope it does. I pray and anxiously wait to see the Lord's plan for you.

You have great adventures ahead. Keep searching Truth and it will, indeed, set you free!

as free as a nap on your birthday with no cake.

But better. Much better!

Pancakes we had for Dinner

2011-04-08T18:21:00.000-05:00

1 cup flour

3 T. sugar

2 t. salt

1 t. baking soda

1 t. baking powder

4 eggs

2 cups vanilla yogurt

Mix dry ingredients first. Then add wet ingredients, whisk all together. Let sit for at least 10 minutes. Then scoop onto skillet and cook....you know how to make a pancake. These do take a bit to actually cook though, so be patient with them. I used 1/4 cup scoop for each pancake and they needed 4 minutes on the first side, a little shorter on the second side.

I liked these. They weren't heavy and mostly packed full of protein.

And now if I owned an iphone, I'd have an easy pic to slide in below of how they turned out.

But I don't. So I don't.

You enjoy! And happy weekend. It's going to be a good one!

wordless wednesday

2011-03-30T10:21:00.000-05:00

our backyard friend.

Rollerskating!

2011-03-28T21:09:00.000-05:00

Awhile back, we had the opportunity to go roller skating with Big Boy's school. My lovely Mom was here visiting, so we decided to go to this event which otherwise would've been impossible on my own. I'm so glad we did!

What a blast.

Rollerskating.

I totally went rollerskating often as a child. Did you? It was the exact same. The roller rink was stinky. Like sweat. The carpet was dirty. The skates were old and one tries not to think just whose feet were in them last.

But I do love myself some roller skating.

Oh yes. So how did those sweet handsome boys do? Big Boy was all about it. Very serious. Determined. He really loved it.

They even had these nifty helper skates. Aren't they neat? He used this for about half the time, but also skated around the oval many times with little assistance.

Oh, and Little Boy. This sweet boy was the first to get his skates on, stand up and push away from all of us. He did great. Just super. For 3 seconds. Then, the roller rink operator forgot who we were for a brief moment......small Christian school, lots of children grade 5 and under. And so that operator turned all the lights off, cranked up the strobes, and started off the evening with We Will Rock You. Loud. As in your heart jumped when it started.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

We will, we will rock you!!

Then, Little Boy was done skating.

Poor thing. Just as he pushed off in those skates, so proud, many yards away from us....

Dark. Strobes. Rock you.

When I say he was done, I mean he started screaming, took his skates off and we had to hold him down to stay in the roller rink.

Not sure if roller skating will be on his list of fun places for quite sometime.

Thankfully, within a few songs they turned the lights back on, cut the strobe, and decreased the music volume.

Phew! Now we could actually see our kids stumbling in their skates.

And that was the night. Big Boy and I kept skating. We all took a break for cookies AND cupcakes. Skated some more. Waved to Mamma, Little Boy and Baby boy. And then it ended.

And somehow it was all beautiful. Rolling around the oval, in my stinky skates, with my Big Boy.

Then walking out into the night clean air and chatting about roller skating all the way home.

Thinking about Easter

2011-03-23T08:01:00.000-05:00

You are love, Jesus. You equal love. You don't just give love, approve love or offer love. You are love. Where love is, there you are. Let me open my hands in worship to return love, glorify your love and receive more. For you do no limit. You give. You give. In a thought of defining you as uninvolved and closed, it's our own fear to draw close to the consuming fire of love. For we fear you will do exactly what you promise...love. Perfect love. Passion. Love and never let go. Forever. And when we kick and scream and run, you're still there, unmoved and unchanged. Holding. Not even losing grip. A love that scares, but offers up peace. Freedom we will only know as we let go of our walls you never noticed anyways. Walls, agendas, questions, bitterness. You melt it all, if we let you in.

I see you on the cross. Love. The darkest moment in my heart is up there. You're slaying it. Sin. Not just a wrongdoing. No, the actions are the simplest part. I see the cross and I see pain, grief, loneliness, fear, darkness. The land went dark with the weight of it all. I see my empty hands up. Open. The tomb, empty and open. I look.

Nothing.

Silence.

Empty. I feel a breeze and your cloths, clean and white blow past my feet. The emptiness is full. Full of truth. Victory. Hosanna in the highest.

It's not just that He fought death and won. He fought your darkness and beat it. That dark moment of anguish, pain. A darkness in your heart you can't describe with words. He battled that. It lost. He won. As the rock is pushed away, the light comes in. The darkness cannot take over the light. And so is my life. I must roll away the rock, the wall. I take it down and let His blinding healing saving love flow in. His love. My emptied life is the same victorious sight as the empty tomb itself. My emptied heart I want filled with his holy, victorious love.

He is love.

there is love that came for us.
humbled to a sinner's cross.
you broke my shame and sinfulness.
you rose again victorious!

Our Smoothie of the Day

2011-03-11T15:22:00.001-06:00

smoothies. we drink them regularly. tried a new one today.

2 cups frozen strawberries
1 cup frozen peaches
1 cup raw spinach
1 1/2 cups water
2 packets Stevia

Blend and enjoy! Big boy said, "Yum, tastes like sherbet!".

And no, you won't taste the spinach.

Thankful Thursday

2011-03-10T13:53:00.000-06:00

the joy of being in the unbreakable bond of the arms of Jesus.

my husband. he serves our country and provides freedom in ways most of us don't realize we participate in everyday. i know i don't.

new friends. since we've moved, gaining new friends has been slow here. not frustrating. just a slow process that I see purpose abounding. but lately, new friends our sprouting.

provision. in a remnant piece of carpet. most of our home is hardwood. but we've been slowly turning a large dinette area off the kitchen into a family school/work room. but i didn't like the hardwood in that area. i measured and headed to Lowe's. i asked kinda half-hearted and defeated already. asked if they had any remnant pieces of carpet in the back that would fit my measurements. he laughed too. it's a big area. but he looked. then said, "lookee there". there was one rolled piece, my exact measurements. cost: $20. provision indeed.

tylenol. seriously. takes those boys' high fevers right down.

Jonah. the Veggie Tale movie. my boys have never taken to Veggie Tales, i don't know, i find them kinda confusing as well. vegetables. bible stories. no arms. but Jonah the movie has been a big hit here lately and i'm reminded of God's big love for people everytime i watch it.

happy thursday. be thankful. it's the best remedy toward our worry, bitterness or confusion with life circumstances. as we enter into thankfulness, our hearts bend toward the workings of a good God. He's in control, let us be thankful.

our Entertainment

2011-02-25T10:06:00.000-06:00

No doubt my patience runs low with him lately, as he walks to the beat of his own drum. He hears a whole different music at times. He breaks out in character at any given moment, complete with changed voice, new name and supplies me with one as well. As if, I knew all along the pretend world he was living out in his mind before he spoke it. He loves to make people laugh with joy. He loves to laugh. He rocks out currently in his room to The Afters, great CD for him. He plays his music super loud, has a guitar, complete with sunglasses and hat on backwards. He keeps asking when he can take piano, because he knows it's the stepping stone to guitar and drum lessons.

Fun. This Little Boy. I can't imagine our family without him. What a worshipful moment to celebrate the uniqueness of our kids. No two the same. Worshipful. Yes. Believing God's divine purpose over their design. I lift my hands with Little Boy in them. And I say use him, God. Yes, he drives me crazy this week. But you are good, God. What an astounding ball of joy you have in this boy. Use him. May many come to know the radical freedom and joy of knowing Jesus because of him, Little Boy. And the entertainment he brings to all.

Use it. For good.

meet Cooper

2011-02-22T14:42:00.000-06:00

Last May we started searching for a dog through local rescues. Waiting. Searching. Looking. Even visited with a few dogs, then later decided they weren't a good fit for our family of 5.

It was a process. Big Boy was thrilled and waiting with eager expectation. Little Boy was absolutely afraid of all moving creatures with four legs. On one home visit with a dog, he actually hid in his room the entire time. Lovely. I know. Great idea we had in adopting a dog.

But then last October, a rescue popped up having 2 new pups, 4 months old, golden retrievers, found on the side of the road.

Perfect.

What I liked about these dogs before we even met them. I love golden retrievers! I love that they were 4 months old, already sleeping through the night, and on a normal dog schedule. I love that they weren't more than 4 months old.....which means they were still light in weight and not quite set in their ways yet of being dominant.

We found them on a Sunday.

Met them on a Tuesday. Played in a park. But by this point, one was already adopted....so we met the other one.

Picked him up and adopted him on Wednesday night.

He's been a very easy puppy. He slept all night in his crate the first night we had him, no accidents, and has been doing the same ever since. He wants to impress you with listening to your command. He has lots of energy when out of his crate, but makes not a sound when crated. He loves all the boys. He's handsome as ever!

His name is Cooper.

And who loves him best?? Little Boy.

Grabbing a good shot of him is difficult. He's always moving! Little Boy was literally holding him down here. He weighed in at 20 lbs when we adopted him, and last check-up he was at 53 lbs. Whoa. The vet thinks he'll get up to 80 lbs. Whoa again. A little bigger then we expected. As he grows, it seems he may also have some Border Collie (think Lassie) mixed in with golden, but we'll really never know.

We don't like the dog hair. And welcome all tips in how to control it.

We need a fence still.

For us, it has worked really well to adopt a dog with young children. They love him and especially Little Boy will now approach any animal without screaming. Also, because our life is so busy with the boys.....he's far from spoiled. Cooper is still just a dog to us.

But a dog we do love!

in which i vent about the librarian

2011-02-10T14:35:00.001-06:00

dear ms. librarian,

how dare you 'hush' my children while looking at books. they're children. boys. browsing the children's section. that's what it's there for, the children. yes, they speak loudly with shrills of excitement when they find just the book they were hoping for this day. no, my 2 year old does not listen or stay right by my side very well. yes, that's my 6 year old on the floor in the corner with books everywhere. and no, he probably will only get half of them. and yes, you'll have to re-shelf them. and just maybe we would have less fighting at check-out if you would check my items out for me. the self-checkout just really doesn't jive with us when we have 27 items, 6 helping arms and only one scanner.

don't worry. don't miss us too much. we'll be back in 14 days. and I can't guarantee your opinion of us will change that much on that day either. we will still probably not meet your expectations. and yes, i'll be smiling the whole time again and giving my boys large hugs and kisses as we leave. because i'm raising readers, here. i'm raising future bright, strong young men and i don't need your approval to achieve that.

so fellow momma friends who also dare brave the library, i say go strong, go bold, and keep going back.

The one where I start with ING words

2011-02-10T11:00:00.000-06:00

sitting while boys watch a Curious George.

hoping taking them all to the library will be joyful, not embarassing.

praying for that thick skin of self-worth in Jesus, so I can go to the library.

wondering what my balance is at the library, I always have fines.

loving my husband.

healing from a very sore neck with 2 pinched nerves.

taking care of Big Boy who's been ill all week.

eating Grapefruit, baked with brown sugar on top. My new love.

realizing winter in Texas is like summer in Maine. It's short, annoying, and everyone is completely ill-equipped to handle it. They just survive. Maine has no air-conditioning. Texas has no snow plows, or hats & coats for that matter.

needing the gospel. every moment.

contemplating the small town girl I was raised to be, no matter what my current address says.

thanking our neighbor, who brought us 12 beautiful cupcakes last night, just because.

wondering what's for dinner.

knowing that's my responsibility. dinner.

hoping for a babysitter sometime soon.

needing to go the eye doctor.

loving Jesus. 'Cause that's really the only way all this makes sense.

Thankful Thursday

2011-02-03T14:24:00.000-06:00

Joining with my friend over here, she is committed to resting on Thursdays with a thankful heart. Not sure I'll go for this every Thursday, but today is a day I find most perfect to give thanks! I have much. I lift my hands with a thankful heart.

electric. We were with out it all day yesterday. And it was cold! Tricky thing is electricity also controls our water, being that we are on well water. Ya know, it takes electric to run our pump that sends the water into our home. So no electricity = no heat = no water = no toilet flushing = no lights. So thankful for that great invention of electricity and that we have it back now!
all my Momma friends up north. You all live inside with your children for months at a time during these winter months. You're beautiful Moms who enjoy slow-paced life mainly because of the weather, and you don't even realize it. You plan crafts for your kids, bake with them, and even 'venture out in the snow with them from time to time. You are winter heroes!
snow days! Being as I'm a northern Momma at heart, I love that my boys have been in the house all day, every day and MOST of all.....I have not had to drive on a highway for a full 3 days. Praise be to our Great God. Seriously, thankful on this one. You have no idea.
my husband. He makes anything fun. He's upbeat, positive and calm in the face of adversity. Great qualities for a pilot, be we like him best as our leader toward joy in all things! In need of a few more activities to pass the time, he led us all in a game of Indoor Olympics. Picture running, jumping, crab-walking events around the house. I broke a sweat. Just sayin'.
our warm coats, hat, gloves, sweaters, and boots we own from back in the days of living up north.
That come Sunday, the forecast is calling for upper 50s, maybe even 60s. I mean...this ice on the road has to melt! It's still hard for us to wrap our mind around (again...being from the north), but down here in these parts.....they have zero means of getting the ice off the roads.....salt, plows, sand, anything! Nothing. Our only hope is warmer weather. And that's what we need, cause when we ventured out yesterday, it was really those Texan drivers that scared me more than the ice itself. It really will just be all together safer with warmer temps, back to where these folks operate best!

Just a Day in the Life

2011-01-27T21:05:00.000-06:00

We have an acre of land.

That's what you say here, where we live. I live on land. It's not....we have a yard. Because it's a given, one does not have a yard near this huge metroplex of bustling life. So, if one does have actual room out their back window to see farther than your neighbor's window, it's called land.

We have land.

Not something I ever thought we'd say. Beside the point.

Our lot is skinny.

So our ~~backyard~~ land is actually very long. All clear. Except for one tree in the way back.

The boys have pieces of wood nailed up the side to climb it.

Yesterday, I was gathering everyone to go on a walk. I saw the boys back by the tree. All on the ground, except Little Boy. He was up in the tree. Standing. Looking down. He's jumped before, so not a big deal.

I walked back to invite them on the walk. As I near closer. I see rope, black rope. We don't own black rope. Wait, bungee cords, yes indeed....I see bungee cords wrapped around the waist of my Little Boy. Then continuing upward in the tree and hooking themselves ever so carefully on a limb. When I say limb, I mean twig. Skinny branch about to face a brisk pull of a 50lb. almost 5year old boy. A boy who I know did not invent nor think of doing any of this on his own.

I near closer, and see the light in BigBoy's eyes. Gleaming. Pride. Smiles.

"He's going to jump," says Big Boy. "I already did it, it was awesome!" he adds. Then looks back up at his brother.

Little Boy looks at me. Not smiling. No sparkle in his eye. He has the dreaded look of fear that any little brother would have who only wants to impress big brother and do just as he was told. Lord only knows how they got Little Boy all wrapped up perfectly standing there. Waiting. To jump.

I finally speak.

"What are you DOING!!??"

Big Boy, obviously not catching my tone, speaks more. Still beaming with thrill.

"Not a big deal, Mom. I already did it. The bungee caught me and I dangled to the ground. But my bungee was really long and I can't wait to see how he does (pointing up), I'm trying the short bungee on him."

By short, he means inches. Little Boy was harnessed to this twig by an 18in. bungee cord.

I've seen quite a bit in my boymomma days. Quite a bit. This tops it all.

After very little convincing, Little Boy agreed that it just wasn't the best plan of the day. He did jump, with me holding his hand which gave me further proof that the boy would've nearly killed himself had he jumped unattended.

Of course, as my boy books promise, Big Boy was running back out to the tree again today bungee cords in hand.....telling me, "I can do it better this time!"

Just a day in the life, friends. Just a day in the life.

Three Snowmen

2011-01-25T15:30:00.000-06:00

I could not be more fond of the relationship growing between our 3 boys. As Baby Boy exits true baby stage and leaps forward into boyhood, the other 2 big boys warmly welcome him every step of the way. As I stand in the kitchen prepping dinner or washing dishes or simply standing (cause really does one ever leave their kitchen!?), I watch out the back window and see all 3 boys running. Or driving. We have one of those HUGE monster truck battery operated cars. I mean, HUGE. 2 seats and a back trunk. It was given to us, but that's another story. The boys have figured out how to bungee cord our Radio Flyer wagon to it, and it still ~~moves~~ plows freely along. So, picture large truck, 2 boys in front seats, one boy in wagon riding.....being towed. And who's the driver? Baby Boy, of course. The boys love that he knows how to drive the big thing all over our land. So they take pure delight in letting him drive.

We received an hours' worth of snowfall a few weeks ago. Typical southern snowfall....warnings all day, large predictions, fearful people, no one leaves their house, and then we get it. The snowfall. The big storm that was predicted and caused TV shows to not be on, ya know, so they could keep us well updated on the storm. And it came. I think. But I'm also sure I missed it.

Cause up north, we call that................................flurries.

No, not the McDonald's dessert.

But the boys were no differ. Especially Big Boy. Born in Maine. And he is a self professed lover of cold and dreary days. Loves them. We walk outside, he says, "Mom, isn't it beautiful out?" I'm sure our Navy life will take us north again someday and when it does, Big Boy will be thrilled! Little Boy not so much. On the day of the flurries, excuse me, yes I mean.....storm. I sent all 3 boys out to play and by the time I gathered my boots and hat, Little Boy was already at the door crying about the cold. Baby boy wore his rain boots that come up past his knees and tromped all over our acre, he would follow Big Boy to the moon!

A lovely time I've been having. Yes, lovely. Watching my 3 snowmen grow. Just thankful, they don't ever melt!

A Different January

2011-01-19T14:15:00.000-06:00

Hope.

I've been praying I would be overflowing with it. A Bible verse says those who call on the name of Jesus will be overflowing with hope. So I claim it to be true. And I wait for it.

Because He who promised is faithful.

And it's His will that I live in accordance with His Word.

Overflowing. With Hope.

January can so often be a gloomy time of year for my heart. The ending of Christmas hurts as another year is laid to rest. And I can let sadness take place of gratitude so quickly. Nervousness of a new year beginning and wondering just what it will hold.

So far, January has felt fresh to me. I'm so thankful.

When we feel our sadness, our fears, our concerns, our hurts.....share them and allow them out; then there's room for a fresh wave of hope and gratitude.

Overflowing.

A Worthy Song!

2011-01-11T20:35:00.000-06:00

WALK ON THE WATER lyrics Britt Nicole
You look around and staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder
What if I'm overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one's there
Will you hear my prayer?
When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

So get out and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait
And don't you turn around, and miss out on
Everything you were made for
Gotta be, I know you're not sure, more
So you play it safe, you try to run away
If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you, 
Telling you to give up
Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are waiting, what are you waiting for

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-23T08:45:00.001-06:00

We're settling in with friends and family as we continue celebrating the birth of Jesus, Savior of the world! May your home be filled with holiday smells, laughter, peaceful moments, and hearts of gratitude with each gift opened. We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!

2 Favorite Winter Reads

2010-12-22T08:45:00.001-06:00

Snowmen at Night is a delightful story of wonder. As morning comes and the snowman is tilted and looking rather worn out, the story begins with unfolding a magical nighttime adventure that all snowmen must have. Why else would they be lopsided in the morning? The story is fun, rhyming, and pictures are bright and bold. Best of all, every picture has hidden images that you read about on the last page. It kept Big Boy busy for quite awhile going through the book again to find those tricky pictures!

A Wish to be a Christmas Tree is the story of an old overgrown tree at a tree farm. He's certain his time has passed and he will never be chosen as someone's beloved tree to take home. The nearby animals in the woods come to his rescue, decorate him, and deem him the best Christmas tree of all. A great story on giving to others and true friendship at Christmastime.

Pumpkin Farm

2010-12-21T08:45:00.001-06:00

We went to a pumpkin farm, that was amazing with a capital 'A'. I have little words, because really the pics give it full credit and description.

He Has Shown Me

2010-12-20T08:45:00.002-06:00

Because sometimes a list just makes it all seem better, here in no particular order are bleedings of my heart that the Lord has shown me throughout this past semester of life:

I am nothing apart from the gracious work of the cross in Jesus. Nothing.

It is okay to doubt God. Is He really big enough for my fears? My frustration? My sin? Does He really want to know all about it? My heart....can He really hold it and not hurt it?

Yes, He can.

It is okay to tell God how much I doubt Him. It's actually beautiful to sit at His side and pour it all out.

It's called a relationship.

And I'm so glad He listens. He enjoys me.

I've learned that life in our family is solely dependent on a few things: one of which will always be.....a great meal plan. Food.

If I unexpectedly throw any of my boys to the ground, then pick them back up by their feet and swing them around. It just makes any grumpy moment fade.

If any of my boys try to pick me up and throw me to the ground, the result is not always the same.

Having a few great friends is really enough.

God is for the family. He wants family. He is family.

Transitions are moments in life that will change us. Though, not easy.

I do not like driving.

Motherhood is an immense call to servanthood. When I allow it, it pulls on my heart to feel in places I did not know exist....to hurt in places I would prefer left untouched.....and to give of myself beyond my own strength. What an exciting opportunity to truly know it IS better to give than to have received. It seems if there's a child in this world that calls me "Mom", then Mom I am. But embracing motherhood as a worthy pursuit of my life....I have a choice in that one. And it seems to me that choosing against it is actually the easier way on the heart. To give of myself is to involve my heart. And hearts involved always evoke fear.

I fear not. He is with me. He holds me in victory with His right hand. Victory. As if I'm heading into war, big battle, large challenge. The surprise is I'm simply rising in the morning, glancing in the mirror and walking into my kitchen. And I know, with less and less doubt, that He is with me. He cares very much. And it is in His will to quiet me with His love as I open my heart, let it bleed, reach out my arms and do this thing. Motherhood.

New Mornings

2010-12-17T08:45:00.001-06:00

With Big Boy at school throughout the morning, it's taken not just me but the other two boys as well some time to adjust. How do we play without Big Boy making the plans?

It's been delightful to watch Little Boy slowly uncover his own ideas on how to play, leading Baby Boy along.

I've noticed at parks, we no longer look for frogs, try to catch squirrels, or throw rocks. We do much more chasing other kids, pretending the park is a restaurant and Mommy is the customer, and yelling down the sewer pipe to hear our voice.

Of course, one thing hasn't changed.....we all laugh!

Soccer!

2010-12-16T08:45:00.000-06:00

Thursday and Saturday. That's when the action happens. One, for practice.....the other, with uniform on and it's game time. Last season, his first season, was one of much nerves.

Loads of questions.

Concerns.

Some tears.

Fears.

And excitement.

This season.....bigger field. All excitement!

Zero nerves.

Big Boy enjoys parts of soccer that most kids probably don't. The boy loves to run! He keeps going, and going, and going. He has strength. Real strength. As in since he was a baby, to pick him up....he felt to be all muscle. And now he uses it, to keep running.

Of course, he loves the pride of making a goal.

But truth be seen, his eyes get just as excited to watch a teammate make a goal.

And his favorite part?

Defending.

He loves being deemed the task of waiting.

Waiting.

Watching.

As the opponent is dribbling down the field, directly at his goal, his teammates.

With no hesitation, he chooses the moment....the moment to strike, run forward and kick the ball far away from that opponent.

Then, he's glad.

He walks back to his spot on the grass.

And gladly waits again.

the big kid

2010-12-15T08:45:00.001-06:00

Wow. Our Big Big is growing upward and onward. I love these shots he let me grab of him. Here are just a few. His first semester of school has gone fabulous. He enjoys the structure, making friends, and loves his amazingly gifted teacher. The morning time of learning fits him perfect. But there's no question he's delighted it's only half day. Upon returning home...he runs our land, creates adventures, and digs away in the dirt all afternoon!

School with Little Boy

2010-12-14T08:45:00.001-06:00

My favorite 4 year old! He loves doing schoolwork. This is where he hangs out every morning from about 8:30-9:30. He reads. He writes. He counts. He wants me to sit right next to him and watch. It's such a privilege to watch your child grow, isn't it? I'm looking forward to our second semester of school together. When we're not doing formal school work, we're usually having car races together, doing art projects, playing in a band, riding scooters, or simply laughing. Little Boy loves to laugh and make others laugh as well!

Fun.

Baby Boy?

2010-12-13T08:45:00.002-06:00

Our Baby Boy turned 2 years old. But don't worry, we'll still call him Baby Boy around these parts. He had a fabulous birthday, planned entirely by his 2 big brothers. They personally conversed, picked out and carried all of his gifts at the toy store. Weighing the pros and cons of just what their Bubba would like. They helped with his cake. And hand wrapped his entire load of joy, each and every gift. Then they signed them.

Then in true family tradition, we decorate the birthday door! Baby Boy was so thrilled it was his special day.

He's full of joy. Has an immeasurable amount of animated facial expressions. Wears underwear and is doing fantastic at it. (haven't changed a poopy diaper in 3 months, first time in 6 1/2 years) Baby Boy rides a scooter at max speed. Runs. Hops. Gallops. Skips. And dances his heart right through ours everyday. He doesn't say much, but makes up for it at every turn with his smiles and kisses.

We can't believe he's 2!

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!

Warning!

2010-12-10T16:59:00.000-06:00

If you've missed us so dearly, we're coming back on Monday. I'll be catching up on thoughts, pics, and happenings from the Fall. Perhaps, I still have a reader or two?

See you then! Ya'll come back now.

Dear Blog,

2010-10-07T15:10:00.000-05:00

I do like you.

You've served me well.

I write. I ponder. I worship. I remember.

I post laughs, smiles, tears, triumphs and joy.

And I know I'll be doing it all again soon. It's all saved in my head and heart.

To post here.

Soon.

But lately, I like my Bible better than you.

I've been running to Jesus, instead of my ponderings.

My knees are bruised and worn. My hands are held high.

I've come undone.

Glory, Glory , Glory! For He alone is holy.

Motherhood has me worn out.

Letting go of Big Boy to school has me in spirals.

Control.

Gone.

And so I pour it out. All out.

My heart.

Bleeding. Pain. Hopes. Prayers. Fears.

Raining with desperation.

I sit. I cry. I read.

Greater is He that is in me.
For He is close to the brokenhearted.
He saves those who are crushed in spirit.
He has given me divine power to demolish fortresses.
I am blessed beyond comprehension.
By His wounds, I am healed.
Beauty from ashes.
Free.

As the world offers more to me....to hold onto, to hope in, to find satisfaction in, to grip to, to cling to, to control.

As the world offers more, my hands go up more.

Open. I give it back.

I give my hopes. I give my boys. I give my marriage. I give my plans. I give my desires. I give my fears. I give me.

For nothing good dwells in me.

And
He
sets
me
Free.

Sorry, blog. Like I said, I like you.

But my heart is elsewhere right now.

And it is good.

love julie.

School

2010-08-23T15:02:00.000-05:00

6 years. It's been 6 years that Big Boy has been in the home....growing, learning, discovering. It's been a gift. A true gift to watch his giftings and strengths unfold right before our eyes, learning the wonder of his mind and the mystery of all that encompasses him. The grand triumph to share in his story is today.....today he's taking a step onward, outward! Big Boy had his first day of school EVER.

Nervous. Excited. Trusting. Smiles.

He loved every minute of every aspect of going to school! And it was amazing to watch his spirit drink it all up, with such appreciation for the whole experience.

Who knows what the future years bring, if school in a building will be long term for him or not. Homeschooling has been amazing for allowing his childhood to be free and without rush of life. But for today, this year, we know it is exactly what Big Boy needs.

This one big brave step.

Out of the nest he goes.

Sure glad he comes back every day at noon.

Road Trip Recap

2010-08-11T16:15:00.000-05:00

We made it. We traveled 8 states, over 2700 miles (1500 in 2 cars), visited family, ate tons of hamburgers and hot dogs, hit Ohio at the best week of weather ever, and made memories to last.

We fished.

Multiple times, we fished.

We had snack time with great conversation.

We hugged Grandpa, that is, Great Grandpa.

We walked the path of Aunt Susie's Farm. We love her!

We sat on hay bales.

We continued to tour the farm with our very big kind cousins. Oh wait, we lost Little Boy. He does not last long at the farm. The boy and outdoors do not exactly mix when large animals, ragweed, and a rooster is involved.

We played with friends! And felt sad we can't do it more often.

We played with more friends! And....again, felt sad with goodbyes.

But we cheered up with a tractor ride.

We visited Grandma and told her how beautiful she looked.

We visited Great Grandpa, the oldest man I know at 97. And told him how handsome he looks; and we also answered his many questions about being a pilot. When I say 'we', I mean my husband. I look like my Dad who looks like his Grandpa, can't you see the resemblance?

We visited another Grandpa!

We climbed big rocks by a river in North Carolina.

(we said goodbye to Ohio.)

We played in the river.

LOTS of jumping in the river.

(Rewind) We enjoyed every moment with parents who graciously hosted our family as we ran to and fro making all of our visits.

We rode a canoe. Again, notice Little Boy and his love of outdoor pursuits.

Big boy I think is laughing with joy. The Husband...calm as usual.

Baby Boy waved at us.

We jumped in a lake, daily!

We loved our North Carolina hosts, more gracious parents!

And then there's us, we survived! And still love each other.

More than survived, we thrived! We loved every moment of our trip. It's a gift to our boys to share them with family and friends. And to share with them the great state of Ohio, which we fell in love with all over again. It always will be home in our hearts.

Summer Snapshots: Snacking

2010-07-22T07:49:00.001-05:00

Summer Snapshots: Life with No Pool

2010-07-21T07:35:00.001-05:00

Summer Snapshots: Mowing

2010-07-20T07:31:00.001-05:00

Summer Snapshots: Dinner

2010-07-18T16:24:00.001-05:00

in which I complain

2010-07-15T15:21:00.002-05:00

Everytime I want to complain, I get over dramatic in my head and think of truly hurting people, babies who have not enough food, and the Fair Trade market I don't purchase from enough. I think of how much more I could be doing with my life. I think of the orphans that need adopted, the neighbor I didn't wave to, and the friend who needs my listening ear.

And so I go quiet.

Still.

And don't complain.

But today is not one of those moments. Sorry, if you're hoping for introspective faith-filled thoughts of hope everlasting. I would check back in another day, or look in my archive.

My hope is not lost, it's bubbling up more than ever. Scripture tells me He quiets me with Love and rejoices over me with His singing. Isn't that lovely? I'm so glad. I could use a little quiet love and rejoicing through singing. My intimacy with the Lord seems to overtake my spirit the most, it seems, when I just sit and let him know the woes and concerns of my heart. He really just wants me. All of me.

Sadly, I can think He gets very impressed by my meal planning, organized toys, and clean children. But I can't keep up. And frankly, I think He's unimpressed. We ate pancakes for dinner last night, Big Boy just inhaled a heavily filled high fructoce corn syrup popsicle, and our toys haven't been taken to their proper bins in quite a few days. Baby Boy went in Home Depot this morning with no shoes.

Oh well.

I needed all of Big Boy's muscles to help me push/pull our Home Depot cart because it was full of cases of bottled water AND I was carrying Little Boy (all 50lbs of him). Why would I carry my large 4 year old? And why would we need loads of bottled water?

Oh, yes. I'm suppose to be complaining.

Little Boy has a high fever. Big Boy, too. We need water because we are beginning to suspect our water well is contaminated due to the boys being continually sick ever since we moved in 6 months ago.

I didn't tell you? Yes, every 2 weeks for the last 6 months it seems someone in our home is throwing up. At first we blamed the moving military monster. He seems to show up during every transition to a new area, and everyone is sick. But he never sticks around for 6 months, so we're beginning to grow concerned.

After a trip to our county health department and a bill of $225 later, we are having our water tested. Did you know that our county health department has a huge packed parking lot? Me neither. I would've never imagined I was going to have to park in another county's parking lot to walk with all 3 of my children, 2 with fevers, across my county's parking lot, down a long hallway, to obtain their special 100mL container to test my water.

And that was before the Home Depot trip.

Thankfully, as we were checking out, Little Boy insisted we buy a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. He had to fight me on it. But I finally ~~gave in~~ quickly gave them to the cashier. And so before the on ramp to our highway home, the 4 of us ate the entire bag.

Somehow, we all arrived home happy...with chocolate covered faces.

The Husband arrives home tonight from a short trip, and he will carry our concerns, give us hugs, and reclaim his hero spot.

I really have nothing to complain about, but I'm glad He listens when I do.

When Little Boy Prays

2010-06-20T23:36:00.000-05:00

he speaks softly, with expectation and sure faith that His Creator is listening.

he jumps from thought to thought, completely unaware to the listener of where he's headed next.

he thinks of others.

he simply talks

to God

because He's always listening.

Dear God
Thank you for our day. Thank you for our night. Help us have a good day. Thank you for Big Boy, Baby boy, Mommy and me. Thank you for Daddy. Be with Daddy on his work trip and bring him back safe. Please God help all these flies get out of our house. Thank you for your Holy Spirit. Thank you for my food, God. Thank you for our church and help it be gooder. Please God, help all mean people be nice people. I love you God. Amen.

....when Little Boy prays.

What HAVE we been doing?

2010-06-17T15:36:00.000-05:00

Cousin Camp....Memorial Day weekend was filled with beautiful family memories. Our sister and brother in law trotted down from Nashville, along with their wonderful 4 children. Our house was full of laughter, good food, and sun drenched Texas fun. I hope it to be an annual visit, and even though long distant family can be difficult; we've found to make lemonade out of it, lots and lots of joyful lemonade!

Take note of the hair. Ahem! This Momma of all boys went to town and did those girlies' hair. Ummm, yea, they are adorable.

We celebrated {formally} Big Boy's 6th birthday! He had dirt pudding with dinosaurs living all over it.

My beautiful sister {in law, hardly}. I used to be slightly embarassed to share of the small town Ohio setting we were raised in....where people genuinely loved high school, friendships are still counting years, and more than just a few people go on to get married! Now, I count it a sweet gracious blessing. Not all people can welcome their sister and brother in law with hugs and love, then sit and recount memories of being 15.

Swimming... We've been in pools. We've been in lakes. We've been bobbing up and down in life jackets. We eat graham crackers on the way home and watch a movie upon entering the air conditioning with sun kissed cheeks. Baby Boy insists doing whatever brothers do, so I slap a life jacket on him and off he goes!

Counting...the days. We road trip it up north each summer for an annual visit in Ohio with family and friends, and a few other stops along the way. Driving over 2000 miles with 3 small children, exhausting? Yes. But we wouldn't have it any other way. My husband lives in an airplane and well, I prefer to not step foot in one. The expense seems pointless, then finding a vehicle, car seats, dealing with unexpected delays. We love our big summer road trip, and do hope it's just the beginning of a summer memory the boys will always have with them. They're counting the days, for sure. I had to convince them that departure is still a long way off, so they would quit packing all their clean clothes in their backpacks.

Counting again....the days. Can't wait for Toy Story 3 to come out! Buzz and Woody are merely an extension of our family right now. They go with us everywhere.

Reading...The Big Picture Story Bible My sister in law told me about this one, and it's taken me a good year I think to finally get ourselves one. I'm so glad I did! Our previous favorite Bible was the Jesus Storybook Bible, which I still enjoy for the constant center on the gospel throughout all the Bible readings. But I must say, The Big Picture Story Bible is unlike any children's Bible we've ever owned. I hesitate to even call it a Children's Bible, it's done so well and does not make the the Living Word of God feel like a "Once upon a time" story that maybe did or didn't happen. It theologically connects the entire Bible. I love the way it is set up. We're reading a bit everyday with a bookmark, hoping to read it from cover to cover. I love picking it up and know I myself am learning new connections within the Word.

Battling discontentment....to be honest. We finally settled into a church in late April. Now it's summer and everyone else is sloooooowing down life for awhile before Fall schedule kicks up. It's hard for us to slow down when we were never really going that fast. Now, I'm ready for things to do, places to go, and new friends to make. Seems I'll have to keep waiting for the Fall on this one as well. I'm trying to enjoy our slow days and lack of committments, cause I know Fall will be here soon and our schedules will be full. For now, I hope to continue our summer days with peace for He's offering us great rest.....so He must know we need it.

Growing!.... I don't know what happened, but all my boys seem really big! Take a look...

And so summer continues...

Six

2010-05-19T15:29:00.000-05:00

I was sitting in the rocking chair. The rocking chair that was placed in his blue nursery because I noticed all baby rooms had rocking chairs. He was still in his car seat, on the floor, right in front of me. Looking back at me, screaming. I called my sister in law, my sister in law who's been like my big sister since I was 15. She answered, asked how things were going. "Not good," I said. "He's crying and I have no idea what to do."

And so, motherhood began.

Six years ago.

What a delight! Big Boy is six years old.

To gain a small glimpse into our wonderfully crafted Big Boy, you might want to know that he commonly starts his day with questions. Me, still choosing cereal, dying for a glass of OJ, and not one for morning conversation. Him, Big Boy....sitting, eating his cereal, with zero hesitaiton says, "Did you know the heart of a whale can be as large as a cow?!"

And so the day begins with Big Boy.

He's smart, but very unaware of it. He's quiet to strangers, but extremely loyal and talkative to those he cherishes most. He found a snake just this morning, and with the excitement he came bursting in the house to shout the news, one would think of much greater jackpots to be found. For him, a snake. What a jackpot! He observes everything. If something in our home is lost, ask Big Boy. He will know without hesitation. If he starts his sentence, "Did you see.....?" And I didn't see it. I have no doubt whatever 'it' was, actually did happen or did exist. I just missed it. But Big Boy saw it.

Just the other day he told me about the house he wants to live in when he grows up. He first informed me that it would have a gun room. He would hunt deer, birds, rabbit...ya know, everything. All of his tables would be made out of dino bones from his archaeological missions. And his couch would have blankets on it made of animal fur, rugs made of their skin. He will live on lots of land with a tractor, and a few large diesel trucks. He will also camp often and roast marshmallows.

Obviously, he will be signed up for Boy Scouts soon.

He's recently fallen in love with soccer and can still ride a bike with extreme core balance and bravery. He takes peanuts to the park to catch squirrels and wants to bring a flashlight next time to search for toads under rocks.

He keeps asking for a cat, bunny, and 4 dogs.

We have a fish.

Indeed, Big Boy, you are six years old and I can hardly contain my excitement and anticipation to know where your life is headed. It will certainly be full of adventures. And most of all, I hope it's full of knowing the Creator who so beautifully not only formed you, but just by His words created all that nature holds. All the creation you love and adore.

Happy Birthday, Big Boy!

Now, I love them!

2010-05-11T16:20:00.000-05:00

I've been sorting through pics from last summer, finally trying to create a photo book of them. I came across these and just smiled as I browsed through the whole folder from this day. There's not one good pic of all 3 boys I found in the folder. I remember the day. I was determined to grab a shot of all the boys together. As you can see, I even let them go shirt less and drag our kitchen chairs outside. But really, no shot was to be had. I was frustrated. And them? They loved it. Laughed. Played. And now, I look at these pics and could frame every single one for our family wall. I can hear their laughter through them and just love them to pieces.

And they eat graham crackers...

2010-04-30T16:43:00.000-05:00

Not a post about high school, old make-up, and stay at home mom vintage outfits.

2010-04-27T14:28:00.000-05:00

When I choose to wear make-up, which isn't all that often...although increasing rapidly ever since I turned 30. Back to the beginning of that sentence: When I choose to wear make-up, the tubes and cases I stroke my brushes against were purchased 8 years ago when shopping for make-up for my wedding. 8 year old make-up. What does this say about me? Or when I choose my clothes, I put on shirt after shirt that's just too short and very out of style looking. It seems to be fashionable right now, your shirt must be long. The only long shirts I own are maternity and they are not fashionable, unless you are indeed pregnant. And the pants I put on; I'm not sure they're fashionable either. So I continue and grab the longest shirt I can find, usually cotton and solid color, a pair of pants and then shoes. I do have lots of shoes. I usually choose my red Simple ones because they help in making any outfit slightly hip or at least perhaps a vintage feel, I shall say. Yes, vintage. Vintage can only go along with my out of date shortened shirt and 8 year old make-up.

Have I told you I was Homecoming Queen? Yes.

You know those passed down stories of the girl in high school, the cheerleader, the blond, the mean one, the homecoming queen...who then grows older, uglier and out of style. Some days I feel like her except I'm not blond and was never mean. Of course not. I was kind to all. Really. I have high school friends who are readers, they will vouge for me.

But indeed, I am not in style nor trendy. It is true. Come to think of it though, I was not in style nor trendy in high school...just somehow a complete surprise to me (still) elected Homecoming queen. But this is not a post about high school, old make-up, and stay at home mom vintage outfits.

I'm writing about that feeling that life keeps moving. I don't wear make-up because it feels gunky on my skin. I do have days where I long for better clothes because then just maybe I can appear more hip than I actually am and maybe people will actually notice me instead of just stare at my children hanging off me. But really, I digress. The passerby who is unimpressed by my short shirt is obviously not someone worth my time. Just time wasted.

Any choice made in hopes of preserving my past life, while living my present one, merely just creates an empty future. We see it all over. All over our culture. I can't help but think of many of the most famous current Hollywood women, most who are over 40 but have the bodies of 15 year olds. Have you noticed? Check one out next time in the grocery aisle, cover up her head and observe the body. This is not beautiful. It's sad. It's empty. The hours wasted in preserving the past. I would much prefer my widened hips, tired eyes, thinned hair, old make-up, and worn out clothes over a preserved empty shell. It's empty. There are no stories. No heart.

Time keeps moving.

See my cheeks. They are starting to wrinkle just a bit from smiling at my boys, laughing with my husband, and sleeping too little while caring for babies. See my hips. They are wider than they used to be. I've experienced life brought into the world. See my wardrobe. It's worn. It's been cried on, spit on, bled on, snotted on, hugged on, and probably even urinated on. See my hands. They're dry. See my house. It's cozy, used, messy, and contains proof of life. That's what I want: proof of life. Not preservation of it. It's impossible. Life keeps moving. I will go with it, run with it in my red vintage shoes.

I told him to go get ready for his bath...

2010-04-24T15:45:00.000-05:00

a little of this, a little of that

2010-04-21T20:52:00.000-05:00

I'm parenting solo, at least in physical form, for a month. It's going fantastic so far. This is our first time apart in 3plus years, and our last time apart was for 4 or 5 months. I'm amazed at how mentally better I'm able to keep my game face on with the boys knowing it's only for a month riding solo. And in the end, I've just been overflowing with gratefulness lately that my husband even has a job. A great job with real security, and he loves to go to work most of the days. Really, thankful.

We had taco night. The best, I love taco night. Little Boy calls tortillas, "turkeys". Seriously. So he says, "Can I have another turkey to make my taco, please?" He also says laps, instead of lap.....as in, "Mama, can I sit in your laps?" I mean, I have to say yes everytime. "Yes, baby. You can sit in my laps."

Big Boy has been reading Baby Boy books at bedtime and it is darn cute.

We had a playdate today at a hip organic restaurant full of outdoor seating and a park, but we brought our own lunches and just took in the atmosphere. It was lovely. And to top it off, there must've been some playdate group of mommas who have adopted children. Everywhere. It was a multiculture celebration of love, joy, and laughter. I was teary eyed watching the whole relational thing unfold.

I have little goals written on a post-it for myself. They're stuck to my kitchen cupboard. They're things I must do in order to bless my boys with a happy Momma, who is solo parenting. They range from getting out of bed before them to taking everyone out of the house every single day to keeping that dishwasher unloaded for pete's sake.

Big Boy had soccer practice tonight. It was great. He's great. It is an honor to watch him explode in confidence, character, and enjoying his life. All without me, and I love that.

I'm an Idol fan this season. Haven't watched it for many many years, cause it seemed to get weird there for awhile. But this year, I gave it a chance and I've loved every minute of it. I mean, I would see them on tour. Just sayin'.

Yes, with no doubt in my tired mind, this is the least insightful post I've done. But this is my life and one day I want to publish my blogs in hard bound books on blurb. Have you done that? And when that day comes, I'll want to remember these little musings of my everyday beautiful life.

The Loves of Baby Boy

2010-04-16T10:34:00.001-05:00

Baby Boy loves his brothers. He trots around the house in their shoes and at times even refuses to remove them for rest time. A blurry picture indeed, but I just love those big shoes he is trying to fill up.

He can hardly keep up as he chases, runs, and gallops after them.

Baby boy loves hugs, snuggles and kisses from brothers.

You are full of cuteness, Baby Boy. I could do without the new love of temper tantrums, hitting, and kicking. But your smile still melts our hearts and I"m glad you follow your brothers, they have lots to offer you!

Diapers, Red Lights & Popularity

2010-04-14T21:13:00.000-05:00

If you're interested in reading my post I authored for a blogference, I've embedded the direct link for you. It's been an honor to be part of something beyond myself and engage, literally all day, with Moms and husbands of Moms who are running hard after motherhood to be much more than mind numbing babysitting. Truly an honor and privilege. Thank you, CCCBlogference!

We Celebrate Little Boy!

2010-04-13T12:41:00.001-05:00

Today, Little Boy turns four years old. We celebrate his bravery in being the middle boy. He's constantly pulled in each direction to be a big boy for his baby brother, and other times he's reminded of ways he's still so little compared to his big brother. We celebrate your bravery, Little Boy!

We celebrate his pure joy and love of life. He's flexible with change, loves to look for an opportunity to laugh, and is quick to include others. Our dinner table has more laughter because of Little Boy. Our hearts are lighter and we feel privileged to shepherd his spirit of joy and light. Your name means bringer of light, and yes indeed, Little Boy, we celebrate your light!

We celebrate his ability to try new things. We celebrate his quick hand to reach out and help Baby Boy when he falls down. We celebrate his sharing heart. We celebrate his gifting with words and communicating to others.

We look so forward to this next year. These past couple weeks, we see a new searching within his mind and heart as he is defining himself even more. We pray, above all else, that this next year will bring him closer to trusting Jesus and knowing his signifance and hope can be found only in his Creator.

We celebrate YOU, Little Boy. Happy Birthday!

ReThink: A Blogference

2010-04-12T14:03:00.000-05:00

What in the world is a blogference?

Ya know, when you go to conferences and hear thought provoking speakers, ponder what they say, and then leave the conference room but really wish you could ask that speaker some questions. But you don't. You can't. Instead, you must go look for food. Because all conference schedules don't have enough time for you to eat. Run. So you must run out of the convention center and find some food. Then run. Run back to the convention center for the next speaker. Then sleep. Go sleep in that hotel bed. And all the while, you still really wish you could ask that speaker some questions, but you don't. You can't. You're hungry and tired and aren't even sure if you remember what that speaker was talking about.

A blogference is just like that, minus everything, except the opportunity to hear thought provoking speakers. Attend a blogference, and you read thought provoking authors. Attend a blogference, and you can eat while you read, on your time, sitting at your computer. Or at a coffee shop. And you can ask those questions. Just make a comment. The author will comment back.

Sounds like a great time to me!

Never been to a blogference? Me neither. But I am an author at one this week. My post goes up on Wednesday. It's about motherhood, more or less. There are 15 authors, 5 topics.

Attend, read, ponder, and comment.

Details! You'll need to click HERE to attend. The posts go up Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

Simple. Blogferences. I think I'll like it.

5 on Friday

2010-04-09T15:04:00.000-05:00

1. We celebrated Easter! My favorite day of celebration. I love what the weather is doing. I love the meditative thoughts toward the death and resurrection of Jesus. I love to know He battled death and won. Our celebration was full of week long activities with eggs, Bible reading, running in the sun, and enjoying a friend to visit...

2. We had a visitor the last couple days: Ms. Amanda, or as Little Boy called her, Ms. Amandy-bandy. He loves giving those he loves nicknames. And he, himself, carries the most nicknames in our family. Back to our visitor, she's a dear old friend of mine from college who is a blessing to my life. I consider her a sister. My boys have grown attached to her as she visits us each year around this time. She's fun. She's compassionate. She is missed already. Thanks for visiting Ms. Amandy!

3. We get grass next week! Wahoo! Holla, holler up in here. We've been living on an acre of dirt since we moved in and it has been messy. I open our windows and dirt blows in, the boys play outside and bring dirt in, we've all ruined at least a couple pair of shoes, and it's, well, dirty. Of course, the boys, are no different either way. If they had their choice, they much prefer the dirt. But warm weather has arrived and with it, for us, comes some grass to run in!

4. We've been doing all sorts of Birthday talk around here, Little Boy is almost 4! He could not be more thrilled about this celebration. It all begins next week!

5. Perhaps you too are warm in your heart at moments with your little ones. Moments that are completely boring to others, but bring joy to you. Here's my moment:

That's Little Boy's room. That's how he has rest time every afternoon: a gate, free reign of the CD player, lots of books, toys, and his bed if he chooses to lay down. See that small man atop his gate, that's Bob the Builder. I have no idea why he's there, but it warmed my spirit to know Little Boy's fingers placed him gently there. And there he stood for his 2 hour rest time.

May your weekend be full of little moments!

Apples on the Ceiling

2010-03-31T20:48:00.006-05:00

I have a clear memory from childhood of apples on the ceiling, my brother, and a totally bad idea. We threw them, strong and high, those apples at the ceiling. We did all while jumping on the beds. I can still see the faint brown spots on the ceiling. Battle wounds. I have zero recollection of why we were throwing apples at the ceiling. I've come to realize we probably had no reason. No thought out plan. No pros and cons. No reasoning at all. Just apples at the ceiling.

Today, I'm thankful for this memory. Because when I see red crayon across our wall, I think of apples on the ceiling. As I see a wet, sopping wet, washcloth being tossed at the mirror from the bathtub and when I find an attempt to squirt ketchup inside the honey bear bottle, I remember those faint brown spots. I remember the lack of plan and reasoning. When I see the overflowing toilet, the spit out JellyBelly on the floor (bad flavor), or the sink torn apart; I remember the apples. When I see our double jogger stroller speeding down our driveway with Little Boy inside, no one pushing him, and Big Boy standing at the top of the driveway jumping with joy as if cheering a race at the finish line. Yes, indeed, I remember my childhood sibling moment.

I think of the apples on the ceiling and know, just maybe, my boys are going to be alright.

Buster

2010-03-18T16:04:00.003-05:00

That's what we call him. Our Baby Boy. He's such a buster. Toddling around, beginning to run but doesn't move his arms. Follows his brothers everywhere. Still doesn't say much, but is certainly aware of all that is going on around him. And is no doubt aware that he is a buster!

Much of his cute moments come from mirroring his brothers, especially Big Boy. Just the other day we had all 3 at the doctors. Big Boy was examined. Then Little Boy. Then I sat Baby Boy on the table and the moment his bottom plopped down, his mouth opened, tongue out and he gave out a big "ahhhhh." Like I said, a real buster.

He wants to be big, but he's still very much small. He wants to climb, but he really just cannot. He wants to sit at the big table only using adult silverware, but it really is messy. He loves to play Connect Four, but really has no idea what exactly it is he's doing. He loves to stand and pee in the potty, but is quite far from being potty trained. He can stand up great on a Razor scooter sporting a helmet, but has no inclination to actually move forward.

He spends all day long trying to be big. To us, he's wonderfully cute. And as the day ends, he has just no energy left at his attempts toward boyhood. He chooses the baby life. Paci in mouth, blanket in hand, snuggled in his crib.

Another attempt at it all tomorrow!

The Goal!

2010-03-14T13:23:00.004-05:00

I'm certain we're not the only ones. Perhaps, you too, set goals for your kids. Our boys are at an age where they're not quite aware that we have goals for them. That we sit and chat in the evening on how they're doing. What new beautiful things we see budding in them, what opportunities we'd love to give them that would foster growth, and just how they're growing so fast! Most days, lately, I can hardly keep up with my visioning and praying for them. They're moving forward quicker than I can bathe them in prayer. It seems to just be a spit wash of the face as they're running out the door.

I love our Big Boy. He's never far from an invention. Always thinking. And has a smile as wide as the ocean. He's funny when you least expect it. And witty beyond measure. He's sensitive and kind. He's full of thoughts and questions. He prefers intimate relationship over loud parties. He has fun by watching, not always doing. He dislikes performing when commanded. Loves to chat about animals, space, and brain-stumping questions.

He's good at soccer.

At home.

Our goal for him in signing up for a soccer team really had little to do with him as a soccer player, but more him as a boy. His heart, his character. We think he's great. But sometimes he's not so sure. The crowds, the cheering, the expectation...it all becomes too much for him. For 3 weeks now, he's been practically on the verge of tears before the game. He's grumpy and complaining all that he dislikes about playing soccer. All reasons which really have nothing to do with actually playing soccer. All reasons which are why we signed him up for soccer.

Saturday was here again. Game at 12:45pm. The complaining began. I listened. Then hugged. Told him we're going to go. It's going to be lots of fun. Reminded him of last week's game and how much fun he said he had when it was done. He complained more. Told me of his nervous stomachache. I hugged more. Listened. Then we left.

I noticed during the game he was more relaxed than ever. As if he was finally trusting himself and believing what we have been telling him: "Have fun! It's really no big deal. You're going to do great."

He did it. He had fun. He laughed with his friends. He actually moved his arms while running. No nail biting. Strong kicks. Long dribbles.

And a goal.

He made a goal.

My heart is hesitant all the sudden. I'm making a big deal out of a goal at a 5 year old soccer game. They don't keep score. They don't even have goalies. But for my Big Boy. For us. This was not a soccer goal of skill to cheer. This was a goal of the heart.

And he made it!

Lots of Reasons I Haven't Been Blogging

2010-03-12T13:26:00.006-06:00

1. We've been sick. Almost better. Then sick again. Almost better. Then just plain sick. Going on 6 weeks now. I even finally broke down and took everyone to the doctor. They all checked out healthy, just sick. She gave me a prescription to help the symptoms, which I for the first time followed through and gave to everyone. 12 hours later, Little Boy and Baby Boy were up all night with insomnia due to the meds. Needless to say, I called the doctor and informed her we will be stopping this medicine which she agreed on as a plan confirming they really are healthy and just need to ride out the germs attacking us in our new location.

2. I've been cleaning urine. I mean, how much urine can 3 boys produce around a toilet is clearly amazing to me. But I clean that toilet every night during bath time, and it still stinks.

3. We've been driving. It takes on average about 30 minutes to get most places from our house, aside from our lovely country library and park. Add another 30 minutes of time it takes to convince all little people to scurry over to the shoe bin, grab coats, and buckle belts. We spend lots of time in the car and preparing to get in the car. Though we've yet to make it many places on time yet. Just the other day I missed a class at the Y cause all along I was mentally planning to leave 15 minutes early. Doesn't cut it here.

4. We've been smiling politely at a rude bitter woman who thought it was her duty to inform us of her opinion on the behavior of our boys in public. "Thank you, ma'am. My boys do just fine in public." Fortunately for you, rude woman, I have no inner need to impress you. I once did. I served the invisible public outing god quite frequently. Now, I require respectful hearts but not impressive shows for onlookers we know not. And at times, when I know my boys have had enough stress on their short precious lives, I do declare freedom and let them out of their seats at the restaurant. Laughing. Smiling. With new friends. That's what I noticed, pay no attention to the rude bitter woman in the corner.

5. We've been researching summer activities. We're seeing more and more why Texas natives have never left the state. There are loads of activities for us to pursue all summer, all within a 60 mile radius.

6. I've been painting. I love painting. Painting walls. Painting canvas. It thrills me just to look at a color wheel and observe the beauty and vibrancy. I've completely redone the wall art going in Baby Boy's room. I didn't like where I was headed with it, and now I think my soul is awakened when looking at it. I'll be sure to post the finished product, again. I've also been painting a shelf for Big Boy and Little Boy's room: gecko green. Just sounds exciting!?

7. We've been praying and listening for God's heart on Big Boy's schooling next Fall. He'll be 6 in late May and up until now has been 100% schooled at home. Since we've been in our new location, he's been taking a science class at a local co-op center which has been the highlight of his week. We're sensing a shift and looking at our options for his next step.

8. We've been soaking up the sunshine and lovely days. We stomped through snow just a month ago, and now it is 60 and sunny out. Such a lovely climate to enjoy, although I'm sure the 105 degree days in August with no wind from the ocean will be suffocating.

9. I've been taking deep breaths hoping to inhale patience and more smiles in mothering my boys. Just today I cleaned mud off my wall that was put there by my boys' feet upon seeing the large amount of mud on their shoes, they deemed the best option was to kick the wall hoping the mud would fall off.

10. We've been at soccer games and soccer practices. Big Boy is doing great. He enjoys practices more than games, but last week at the game he dribbled the ball down the entire length of the field...twice! He flashed us a huge grin all the while doing it. After the game, he told us he's definitely ready for the next game. We see his soccer skills come out more as his social nervousness disappears. He was a little overwhelmed at the first game with spectators and deeply concerned that other moms knew his name. It's been a great experience and everything we've hoped for: fun, skill focused, non-competitive, and fun!